Stupid

In the Twilight saga. The main character, bella, jumped off a cliff into Deep water. She was drowning but a werewolf saved her. I imagine that in my head all the time. It replays itself. I want to jump off a cliff. I know as I walk towards it I'll list the many many MANY things that are wrong with me. When I get to the edge I'll have some doubt. But not enough to stop me. When I jump and there's nothing I can do to save myself. I'll regret everything. I know that. But yet I'm still wanting to jump. They say drowning is the most painful way to die. I'd want to enjoy it. The cold icy water. The darkness on the bottom and rays of Sun hitting the surface. The fish. That waves. The moment you realize your dead. When you'll finally be missed. When everyone will feel sorry for treating you like shit. When you'll be glowing in the sun's rays. You'll be noticed. I don't think anybody understands what they do to people. How much they hurt them. I wish we had little thermometer shaped necklaces around our necks. The higher it is. The more you'd want to be nice to that person. Mine would break. Into a million pieces like my heart. My future. My dreams. My self esteem. I personally believe silence is just horrible. You dint have to bully someone to hurt them or drive them to this. Not saying anything will kill them. They think they're boring and can't make anyone laugh. If your silent they're silent. People think I'm quiet. But I'm screaming. They think I'm stuck up. But I believe little things hurt more than they should. They think I'm ugly. No argument there. They think I'm boring. I can't express myself. It's stupid. Stupid Stupid Stupid. That's what I am. That's what I will always be. That's what I get for being me. That's also the title of this. stupid.

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