A Thanksgiving wish from Canada

I'm a Canadian and Canada's Thanksgiving was in October, but I would like to take this opportunity to wish our neighbours to the south a wonderful Thanksgiving, and to share my thoughts of Thanksgiving from last month with you now….

This Thanksgiving, I am, of course, thankful for my health, loving family, and my good life in Canada. Also, this Thanksgiving season, I am thankful that a 1,000 mile wide asteroid didn't impact the Earth, laying waste to its surface, blackening the skies and forcing the few survivors to resort to cannibalism to survive in a retched excuse for a life.

Hey! Wait a minute. There aren't that many people in Canada compared to other more populated countries, so there would be far less corpses…. So… let's change things up a little.… OK, first, of course, I am thankful for my health, the shit about my family, and of course, my good (but underpopulated) life in Canada, UNLESS said asteroid from hell hits and if it does, I hope the government would have the fucking decency to give us a heads up about the world coming to an end thing, giving me time to move to a more populated country like China, Japan or Belgium, and thus giving me more corpses to consume as my lingering shreds of humanity slip away from me until I am a pathetic, subhuman thing that makes Gollum look like Ryan Reynolds compared to me.

Wait… no, silly me, I'm getting ahead of myself – the odds of an asteroid hitting the Earth is extremely remote. Forget what I said, and let's go back to the original….This Thanksgiving, I am, of course, thankful for my health, loving family, and my good life in Canada. Thank you everybody, and have a great Thanksgiving. Peace.

Ooooo, what was I thinking! I didn't factor in population densities… I live in southern Ontario – the most populated area in Canada, so forget I even said anything about the whole moving to a more populated country thing. I should be good. I think.

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