Carolyn's vision kept popping back and forth calling Mayday as if deep in an out-of-control spin.
This was after she had made her husband leave, when she heard of the other woman. The summer sales conference for her company had ended but the affiliates gathered in Houston for their training sessions since they shared the same salesforce.
Carolyn was invited by a salesman to attend a party being given by one of the subsidiary groups of her company. She accepted his invitation. Since she had separated from her husband, she hated she felt sexually attracted to other men. This attraction was not for the salesman who invited her. It was somewhere to go and he could be trusted.
They arrived after the meeting and at the beginning of the participated party. Held in the owner's suite of the large hotel made it quite crowded. The suite allowed for two couches with tables as the sitting area, plus another table at the window with two chairs, and two queen size beds in the middle with a chair near the far bed. At the most the room could hold twenty-five people. Carolyn went to the far back of the room and sat in the chair near the far bed. They were early and the owner had not arrived, but their host Carolyn knew because at one time he had worked for her company. He quickly got her a vodka and tonic drink and the conversation turned to the people they both knew. Her salesman friend was talking to two other salesmen. He smiled toward Carolyn to let her know he had not forgotten her.
Then came a detectible surge in greetings as the company owner arrived. Carolyn turned to look, but tall men were standing in her view. She could tell some were greeting and leaving. These are the ones who show up for appearance sake.
Her host offered to fill her glass and she could feel someone approaching close by as the host began introducing her to the owner. As she looked up from her chair, there stood a tall, thin man hovering over her. His sexy smile wreaked of self-assurance and pride. And Carolyn felt her heart skip a beat. His winning smile could captivate any audience. And she got swept up into it as he sat down on his bed right next to her. He was so close she felt his breath as he spoke and shook her hand. The aura of his perfume wove together with hers as his eyes embraced her to the point of embarrassment and she blushed. His knee touched her crossed leg.
"May I get you another drink? Anything?" He asked while shaking her outstretched hand.
She wanted him to touch her again as he let go of her hand. He had grasped it with both of his hands as if to smother her with affection. The chemistry was too heavy. Her knees went weak. She did not dare look him in the eyes again for fear of fainting. She had never fainted. What made her think of fainting? The thought snapped her away for just a moment.
The attraction between Carolyn and her new acquaintance was so obvious that when her salesman friend left, she had not noticed. It was later that her friend told her he knew that her eyes were affixed on her new friend. She had driven her car and met her salesman friend at the party. She had transporation home. The interaction for this new creature was irreversible. She would not have left, if her friend had asked. The room had slowly rid itself of other humans. He told her he would walk her to her car. This explosion of desire for one another entered the elevator down. They kissed and embraced in the elevator heedless to anything or anyone. The young operator said, "It is in the air." They accepted his words and smiled.
Very few words came from her mouth. She did not know anything aabout this wonderful man, except he was approved with favor by many mutual acquaintances.
They arrived at Carolyn's car. He got in drawing her close to him as if he could not let go. If anyone had looked their way, they could not see for the fogged windows. This crossed Carolyn's mind later. At the time, she was transported to a raptuous moment. That moment did not exist in normal time. It was the Seventh Dimension of superconscrious feelings exploding. And it was never to be felt again.
The relationship dwindled as the interplay moments toned down. The new creature was married. There is something depraved about relationships with married men. Even when the woman has no intentions of marryng or trying to break up a marriage, she is left feeling bad about herself. These are feelings no woman wants. These are tense negative emotions leaving one miserable, lonely, and lost. Animal, loveless approaches to relationships that must never be entered in. The woman becomes a wounded angel. Trying to do right, while ignoring the wrong and leaving her place of contentment for rebellious behavior. In three words, Carolyn knew better. Seeking happiness for the moment and ignoring tomorrow's consequences will strip the worthiness of any woman.
And the irony is the very same thing she did . . . was done to her.
We can turn away when we begin to hate ourselves for these intermittent sins. Only the Lord can help, as He forgives us and wipes our sins away. But thank God, He loves us, because He has done it many times. It is easy to say, "Don't look back." Sins and regrets take years to remove. The mind is scarred. Guard your mind. It can haunt you. In Philippians 4:7 it tells mankind to guard the heart and the mind.
And sometimes a "thorn in the flesh" is left in the mind, to remind us what sin can do to us.