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That's Different Though
That's Different Though

That's Different Though

MBaileyMatt Bailey

‘I just don’t think they should be coming into our country and taking all our jobs really.’

‘Yeah... most of them just send their money back home too, we don’t see any of it.’

‘And a lot of them that come over are criminals. I don’t mean petty crime either, I mean big-time organised crime. Didn’t the Daily Mail say that a quarter of all crime in London was by eastern Europeans?’

‘I dunno... probably, it sounds about right. They’ve brought bed bugs back into the country too. I saw it on the internet somewhere. They bring in bed bugs and drugs and send money out. Not the best deal is it, we definitely got the wrong end of the bargain. Okay... what we having?’

‘I don’t mind... that Tyskie beer en’t bad.’

‘Yeah? Go for that then. Four or ten?’

‘I’d just get ten.’


‘Just these please.’

‘That’s six pounds please, the machine is contactless if you have it.’

‘Okay that’s all done... there you are.’

‘Cheers, thanks.’


‘She was fit wasn’t she? The woman at the till.’

‘The black woman?’


‘Yeah she was tidy, very nice. She sounded African to me. Nigerian maybe.’

‘Nah she’s British, you can tell.’

‘So what if you fell for an eastern European?’

‘Not gonna happen. No chance.’

‘So she could be Miss Ukraine and have an amazing personality but you wouldn’t like her on principle?’


‘What would you do then if a Romanian family moved in next door? Or one of your kids became friends with one of them of something?’

‘Not gonna happen. No chance. Well, if they did I’d probably move.’

‘Where to? A little town up north?’

‘Yeah... anywhere where there aren’t ten eastern Europeans in front of me at the checkout.’

‘You wouldn’t be able to go watch West Ham every home game.’


‘Did you see that save by Fabianski on the weekend? What a save! Just managed to get his fingertips to it and tip it over the bar.’

‘Yeah I saw it on YouTube. He launched himself like a salmon out of Buchanty Spout. He has to be one of the best keepers in the Premier League at the moment.’

‘Him or Ederson. Or Etheridge.’

‘De Gea for me. Then Fabianski.’

‘Polish isn’t he? Fabianski.’

‘Is he? You’re joking? Really? I thought he was Dutch.’

‘Nah, Polish. I bet he sends money back home.’

‘Well if he stops Chelsea scoring this weekend I don’t care.’

‘Bet you wouldn’t mind if he lived next door.’

‘No. That’s different though.’

Author Notes: -The Daily Mail article about eastern Europeans causing a quarter of all crime in London was untrue and misleading and had to be corrected.
-Bed bugs are thought to have most likely made a resurgence in the UK due to international travel and tourism rather than eastern European immigration.
-Tyskie is a Polish beer.
-Fabianski plays for West Ham, Etheridge was born in Britain to an English father and Filipina mother, De Gea and Ederson are foreign nationals.

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About The Author
Matt Bailey
About This Story
18 May, 2019
Read Time
2 mins
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