The Big Epiphany

Dreams come in many different forms, some good and some bad. I believe they are messages, from your guardian angels, your spiritual support team, or from loved ones that have passed. Dreams have a lesson or message if you look deeper and when you discover it, it’s absolutely beautiful.

Growing up, I had many dreams of my family abandoning me. I would wake up crying, feeling awful and confused. Sometimes, they were re-occurring nightmares and at other times the dream would continue each night for months on end. I couldn’t help but feel like it was real. As I got older, the dreams got harsher. I didn’t want to sleep, I didn’t want to feel like this anymore…But the dreams were relentless. I would suffer from insomnia a lot, my mind keeping me awake, avoiding the inevitable.

Things between my family and I started getting rocky a little over 5 years ago. My mental health had taken a deep dive and my family was not very supportive. Especially when I needed them the most. I have come a long way with respect to my mental health, something I am very proud of myself for continuously improving.

I recently got a letter from my family. It stated, if I didn’t get professional help regrading my mental health, they weren’t going to be an active part of my life. I laughed but was hurt by the letter, as they weren’t an active part in my life. What’s new, is what I had said while reading this joke of a letter.

They were abandoning me. My worst nightmares had come true. Expecting the rush of terrible feelings to ensue, I braced myself. Instead what followed, shocked me further. I felt a sense of relief. It’s as though the years of nightmares had prepared me for this very moment.

I had never realized how much chaos was caused by my family, till I took a step back and analyzed the big picture. I replied to their letter advising I did not want part in their demands. I reminded them that I had been working very hard on myself and receiving this letter just showed how much they were ignorant about my situation.

I decided for the sake of my mental health, it was best to part ways with them and I finally felt at peace with those feelings of worry depleting completely. What I feared the most, came true, but instead of feeling devastated and broken, I felt free. Free from the unrealistic expectations, from one-sided efforts, from constant disappointment, from feeling like I was never good enough.

As I lied awake this morning before my alarm, it clicked. If it wasn’t for those dreams/nightmares, I wouldn’t know how to process or grow from this. My family had been abandoning me for years, in my dreams, and I had to wake up and reset myself each time. But it got easier over time and I was more than prepared when it happened for real. I feel good about my decision, and I hope in time they come to realize what they were asking of me. If it never happens, that’s okay too. I am finally at peace with everything and I feel good. Remember, sometimes the hardest things to do may be the best thing for you.

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