The Boy and His Penguin

There once was a boy. A most average boy. This boy attended school as most boys do. He eats oatmeal and hates broccoli. He ties his shoes expertly, but, alas, the knots always come loose. The boy's mother was a loving woman until he made her cross, for his room was messy. The boy's sandy brown hair was always askew and never in place. By the end of the day, his clothes were tattered and filthy. But, this story is not about a lone boy, for this is a story of a boy and his penguin. One day, the boy and his classmates went on the most amazingly, stupendous trip to the local animal agora. The boy witnessed the most wondrous exhibits of animals in their natural habitats. Elephants marched around in line thrashing their trunks about like great wreaking balls. Lions roared the most awesomely, terrorizing of roars. The reptiles just mainly sat in tiny cages and were spectacularly boring. The monkeys swung about providing entertainment and laughter to the boy and his group. At last, the boy was lead to the penguins. There the penguins slid on ice like little sleds. They virtually flew underwater. They waddled around in natural tuxedos. One penguin, though, sat away from the rest. He was sad. The other penguins made horrible jokes about his unnaturally tiny stature. He was a runt, and would always be one. The boy took immediate pity on the penguin. He walked around the circular tank to the glass nearest his friend. There they made eye contact and knew they would be friends forever. The boy whispered through the glass of promises of freeing the penguin from his eternal prison. The penguin smiled, but looked down. Hope was bleak, but the boy enthralled the penguin with tales of grandeur. They would have adventures in the days to come. The boy promised. The rest of the day the boy thought of his trapped friend. He would bid his time. He would keep his promise. That night, the boy drugged his parents drinks. They would need to be unconscious for the next few hours. He wouldn't want them to find him missing and alert the police. The boy packed his little Power Rangers backpack with the utmost necessities. Crowbar, pliers, granola bar, Kit Kat, torch, boomerang, a Swiss Army Knife, two pounds of C4, a 9mm, and his lucky Rambo bandanna. The boy walked next door and smashed the neighbors driver side window in. Just as the boy expected, no car alarm. He donned the Rambo bandanna and threw the car into drive. Driving at 115 mph, it only took minutes to reach the entrance to the zoo. A security guard approached the unusually late visitor only to be pistol whipped by the boy on a mission. One guard down. 400 to go. The boy pried the iron-clad gates open and made his way back to the car. He placed a pound of C4 under the carriage of the car and put it into drive. The car slowly idled forward until it hit the gate. As the car entered the zoo, 100 guns opened fire, drilling holes and shattering glass. The car groaned to a halt. The security officers moved close to inspect the trespasser. KA-BOOM. The earth shook. The boy walked over all the badly injured security officers. This is a kid's story, so no one officially died. But they did need Band-Aids. The boy made his way to his tortured friend. He threw the granola bar and Kit-Kat into the cage to distract all the other hostile penguins. If penguins are like dogs, then they probably got sick or something. The boy looked at his penguin for the second time. This time glass did not separate them because the boy blew it up. The boy took the penguin's flipper in his hand, and the penguin placed his flipper in the boy's hand. The boy had kept his promise. Helicopters suddenly filled the air around them shining the most brilliantly, bright lights the boy had ever seen. They were so bright, in fact, that the boy covered his eyes in sudden pain. The penguin, suddenly stronger because of the awesome friendship that he had just experienced, shot laser beams from his eye incapacitating the helicopters with unbelievable precision. The boy pulled out his Swiss Army Knife which had everything in it, including a Flux Capacitor. They needed to hit 88 mph and quick. The boy jumped on the penguin's back as the penguin began to use his ice breath to create a magical path of ice in front of them. With a waddling start, the penguin began to belly slide continually breathing a ice path to increase their speed. The boy and his penguin were quickly running out of room and time. Ahead of them stood the entire US and French army. The US army held their ground, drawing weapons and waiting for the order. The French army, seeing the ice breathing penguin donning a Rambo bandanna wearing boy, quickly surrendered. The order was given. The US army opened fire, but just as the boy and his penguin hit 88 mph. They had done it. The great escape. The boy and his penguin never returned to their correct time. They now travel the time line disrupting it as they see fit. In their world, penguins rule the world and humans are made to slide on their front sides. PETA was created. Penguin's Earth Totally Awesome (That's all I could come up with). So, remember the tale of the boy and his penguin, for it is a tale of love and betrayal, has underlying themes which are so complex and cool, and if you read it backwards, is filled with subliminal messages that you can't hope to comprehend or decipher. Your welcome, Earth.

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