Cannot wait to read the rest. Also a believer in the Butterfly Effect

I loved your use of the quote in the beginning... I can tell that this is only the beginning of a powerful story. Nice job, and I look forward to reading more of your writings! :)

Heavy, and so full of feeling, one thing I suggest is to work on your grammar. (but don't feel bad I struggle with it too) You could try copy and pasting it into either word or google docs, and then use that to help fix those mistakes, I mean that what I do. Also if you could see if you can download Grammarly, cause then it will point out the mistaked while you type it on this website.