Sometimes there are so many things on my mind, so much stuff to do, so many phone calls to make, so many words to type; that I end up doing nothing and go to bed, tired, drained and frustrated.
The constant flashbacks of my worst nightmares, overthinking and the lack of words to describe all this leaves a weird ache in my fingers. Like thin strings under tension, ready to break anytime. My mom asking me to come back home, see my grandmother and the urge to hug her like it’s the last time makes my heart beat faster and I sit with tiresome eyes. My eyes fixed on my face, like a dried up tree, longing for water.
On the top of all these, the news of someone’s death revives the memories of a loved one who is no more around. It’s like getting hit at the same place whose wounds were just recovered. It’s a little strange, isn’t it? Death I mean. The person you just met yesterday, the person you shook hands with the previous week does not exist anymore. His presence has been replaced by an invisible void in the space. The void is invisible because you cannot fill it with anything, it can be just felt, just sensed everytime you pass by it. It may be the most abstract thing I have seen so far. Correction: sensed so far.
It makes me think about the creation of another such void, about the death of someone much closer to my heart, or a part of it. Maybe instead of forming in this multi-dimensioned world, there will be a void in my heart. It will be felt everytime it pumps blood to my tired, dried up eyes, everytime it pumps blood to my fingers which would be already under tension.
This undefined void comes everytime with death. Like two best friends going everywhere together.
So the next time when they come, death and its friend, maybe they will bring the much-needed water for the dried tree, maybe they will let me see through the void and see the souls of my loved ones and hug them for one last time