I found it particularly well-paced and engaging particularly during the episode of spiralling questioning. I appreciated how you created this eerie and uncomfortable atmosphere, somewhat cinematically, reminding me of the movie "Ghost." In terms of style, although you stayed in the 3rd person, I thought that the switch, right at the end of the story, from Ben's perspective to Dan's perspective (when he takes control over him) quite daring but also effective. Through your writing you have a unique way of playing with reality going in and out of the minds of the characters which I appreciated as well. One piece of advice I would like to give you is to take a closer look at your transitions. For example the transition to the flashback after "I WILL MAKE YOU REMEMBER RIGHT NOW." Perhaps adding some extra spacing would help visually or actually beginning the flashback with the description "With his phone..." instead of dialogue might help. As a reader I was a bit lost at that point, and accentuating this shift in time could not only help anchor the reader but also enhance the effect.

I look forward to reading the next one :) Thank you for sharing!

This is interesting. I am very curious to see where you take this and how the rest of it turns out. It's very unique. I really liked it.