The Good Samaritan Reviews
This is such a great lesson and story! I love it and you must make more!!!! There's nothing wrong with this story so don't listen to Apemann!! Your a amazing writer and please keep on writing stories!
This story is really intense and pulls you in quick! It almost makes you feel like you were there with the way it is so well worded
There is the basis here for a good story. Unfortunately you have not really told it very well. The scenes are clichéd and the dialogue stilted. There is little natural 'flow' to the story. You move from one idea or scenario with little in the way of explanation, which gives the story a somewhat 'clunky' feel.
You have also failed to follow the submission guidelines; the use of numerals in prose is very bad practice, yet there are numerous examples in your story. Number references should always be written in full: twelve years old, three-thirty, nine-one-one, for example.
Take time to check your spelling: "she manages not to hit another care..." would not be picked-up by your spell checker.
There is much to recommend in your story; at the same time it has many flaws. You write well but need to practice your art more - and to read more to get a better feel of how a story flows.