The Goodbye I Never Gave You

The last time I saw you I never said goodbye. I can't tell if this is my biggest regret or my greatest accomplishment. Our eyes locked for seconds until yours disengaged while mine still lingered in your presence. Small talk and small successes, lead to a small friendship and lost lessons. You used and abused my heart in hopes to get hers, But I don't blame you. She was perfect. Perfection is something we all drool for so why have flaws when flaws are left undesired. I wish you listened a little more to the lyrics of the songs we listened to together, and I wish you found peace in green eyes instead of brown. I wish your sour words weren’t disguised behind a soothing sweet smile. I wish I knew what you were thinking when you first saw me. If you could go back to the last time we spoke, would you have said something else, or would you have not wasted your breath? Because I know what I would say, but my smiles and metaphors would mean nothing to you as long as the tag on the back of my shirt read large instead of small and my voice was still in an octave you didn't care for. Even though my words will forever rest in the memory of what we could have been, this is what I would have said. You showed up a week after the first day of school and I always wondered why but I never asked. You were never perfect but I've always had a feeling that perfection envied your uniqueness. and optimism learned its ways from how you went about your days. I can't read auras but I just know yours is orange with a little blue and I think mine is too, but I don't think you'd ever care to know. I helped you get with my friends time and time again because I’d rather see you happy than chasing after a puppy that was bound to run. It hurt, it hurt a lot when we would have what I thought was a moment but then you'd pass me in the hallway like I was a shadow from your past. Did you know how I felt? Were you trying to lead me on? Because one day you laughed with me and the next day you would laugh at me. Or maybe everything was just a strategy to get closer to my friends. I was nothing but a circus act you bought tickets for. Or was I? After close examination this is what I believed our “friendship” was to you. But I’ll never really know because I never heard your final goodbye. Even if all I was just a game to you. Then I guess this game fell in love with the player. That's what you were, a player. But I fell in love with that fake persona and I was too scared to ask if it could stay a while. Instead, I'll say goodbye. When I last saw you, you winked as I walked past and as routine, I did it back. Leaving that as our very last iteration. Leaving the gloss in our eyes as our final goodbye.

Author Notes: There might be flaws but I really wanted to keep this writing raw and the more I would have read over it the more fabricated it would have become.

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