The Key Of Happiness Reviews
I love it! The feeling is great and makes the whole concept come to life!
There is one thing you would want to work on, though. It seems like you keep on using the same rhyme a few times more than it is needed. Sometimes when you overuse the same syllable, it makes the reader feel like they are droning.
I love your work so far and cannot wait to read more!
I applaud the fact that you made the effort to attempt something. So many don't even try, so well done for that.
Your poem is not without flaws, the principle one being the somewhat 'forced' couplets. As a general rule of thumb if you have to force the rhyme then the better course of action would be to not use it at all. Also, there appear to be elements of free verse as well as the more structured rhyming couplets, which just does not work. It is far better to stick to one format or the other to avoid confusion. What you have ended-up with is something that has not really worked very well.
Do not be discouraged! You are on a learning curve; to tell you that you are brilliant and wonderful at this juncture would be to do you a grave disservice. You have much to learn. The best ways to do so are to (a) Read more poetry (you can not read too much!) and to KEEP WRITING. Practice makes perfect: the more you write the better at it you'll become. Good luck :-)
This is such a cute poem. Write more you have a great skill!