THE LAST PRESIDENT
By Vincent J. Murphy
Joe Tromp is the controversial television host of a syndicated talk show. The show quickly becomes an instant hit as the chain-smoking host would incessantly insult all guests in the most crude manner. As the attacks got cruder, the audience widely approved and show viewership ratings began to climb. Then, on one show Joe got into an argument with a Hispanic guest and insulted his heritage. Immediately the Nielsen ratings skyrocketed. Soon he was having gay and transsexual guests on and crudely attacked them and the ratings continued through the roof. Then, on one episode the attacks got more and more heated and suddenly he attacked a guest and hit him over the head with a stage light, putting him in a coma. There was tremendous negative publicity. Overnight, stations across the country cancelled the show; and with the ensuing bankruptcy, the Joe Tromp Show was no more. Like a meteor with a great hate filled flash which ended as abruptly as it started.
Suddenly Joe has hit bottom. He never really had any friends; or even cared to have any. But now no fame, no attention. Feeling an outcast; AND worst of all broke. What to do? No one would return his calls.
One day while channel surfing, he paused at Fox News. They are discussing the upcoming presidential election. There were 20 declared Republican candidates. The only “front runner” was Jeremiah Bosch, a candidate backed by the establishment who seemed as dull as dishwater. But with the large field of candidates no one has a big lead. Bosch is polling at 25% and support for most of the others is pretty much split, with some ups and downs.
One day Joe gets a call from an old friend, who was an investor is his syndicated show, Boris Putinsky. Joe can’t help but explain his troubles to his old friend. Boris proposes an idea. Why doesn’t Joe launch a presidential bid? He would get a lot of publicity and then new opportunities would follow. Joe laughed and dismissed the proposal as a joke. But Boris was serious. He said he had substantial resources from “associates” he claimed for “the Project”; access to tens of millions of dollars, if needed. Anyway, Boris said directly, “what other options do you really have”? Joe didn’t have to think about it. Nor did he take offense. He had no prospects. But of course, the idea did seem farfetched, since he had never held public office before, or even thought much about politics. For Joe, thinking about only Joe, was a fulltime job. “I don’t have any ideology or platform to run on. What would my campaign be about?” Boris: “Remember Seinfeld? The most successful TV show ever. It was a show about nothing. Every other candidate has expressed deep held convictions. But not you.” Joe: “So, it will be a campaign about nothing?” Boris: “Yes. Nothing. Just you be you. We will supply the money.” Joe didn’t have to think (he always considered thinking a waste of time anyway). “I AM IN!”. Boris popped the cork on a bottle of champagne he had brought. “Nostrovia!” “To the future President!”. The campaign was on.
Joe made the announcement of his campaign, in front of an audience of 20 people at a local shopping mall. Most were journalists. They laughed and regarded it all as a big joke. But then of course, then there were interviews. And Joe was the same old Joe. Chain smoking and saying absolutely any thought which entered his mind, for even a fleeting second. To the amazement of everyone, the first polls had Joe right in the middle of the pack. Joe was a legitimate candidate for the most powerful job in the world.
Debates followed. He did all he knew how to do, which is appeal to absolutely the lowest common denominator of the public. He attacked the other candidates as crudely and viciously as he did on his talk show. He insisted on continuing his habit of chain smoking on stage. The audience loved it! They had never seen a candidate like this. He was the “non-candidate”.
Successful debate performances lead to large rallies. Thousands of people. Joe had never addressed a a large crowd of people live before. “Don’t worry” Boris said. “Just read from the monitor.” Joe was introduced and started to read the prepared speech. The audience reacted with complete silence. Suddenly, out of nervousness, Joe made a joke to break the ice. He assumed a Mexican accent and made fun of how Hispanics are suddenly everywhere, like cockroaches. The audience erupted! The race was on!
Polls were up and up. Boris said, “forget the monitor, just be yourself”. He had one and only one request: praise Russia whenever possible and never say anything negative about Russia. That’s not too much to ask Joe thought. He had always liked Russians, or at least their money. “No problem Boris.”
Joe insulted his way right through to the nomination. The more racist and vile he was, the more support he attracted. He was not a traditional candidate they said. Not politically correct. People found his constant spewing of hatred refreshingly different.
The general election is approaching. Over another bottle of champagne, Joe said to Boris: “I know nothing at all about what a president does. It sounds like a lot work and pressure and not enough money. There’s no chance I will actually win is there?” “No/ Joe you are just too far off the rails. You are causing a lot of excitement, but in the end, you won’t win the election. But that is good! Because by losing you actually win! You will be the most famous person in the world. And you know fame leads to money, tons of money.” Joe is ecstatic! He had just one question: “why would you and your friends put all this money and effort into a losing effort? “ Boris: “Just to throw a monkey wrench into things. Just having some harmless fun”. Joe: “So, it all just a big game?” Boris: “Yes, Joe just a game. And one where you win a pot of gold!”
Election night comes. But it turns out the monkey wrench worked too well. Because just one-third of one percent of the voters in just 3 states decided to vote for Joe and not his opponent – he won the game. It doesn’t matter that his opponent got 3 million more votes than he did – rules are rules – and even though it is the most important event - which would impact the entire world – in the end it is just a game – and Joe won the game.
Joe was in shock. His whole family was in shock. This was not supposed to happen. “What do I do now?” “Well”, Boris said “this was not in the plans, but just rely upon the people we have hired to help you. And remember what we agreed in the beginning: Never say or do anything against Russia. Our involvement with your campaign will be our little secret. And we have covered our tracks well. Don’t worry.”
But what shall I do as President? Boris: “Just Joe be Joe.”
And he did. He knew nothing else. In fact, he almost knew nothing at all. He had never read a book or a newspaper in his life. His attention span was measure in seconds. He had no regard for the truth. No morals. He believes in nothing – except himself. And now he is the most powerful person in the world – “it is party time”. He insulted every world leader, he hired incompetent yes men, he golfed and golfed. Of course, he kept spewing hatred, so his base was happy.
But then he went a bit too far and fired the FBI director because he was investigating his ties to Russia. After all, he is the President. He can do as he pleased.
The Pandora’s box was opened. The “witch hunt” was on. Investigation after investigation after investigation. It got to the point where it interfered with his golfing. Associates were indicted. Some went to prison. The investigation continued. There would be a “Report” by former FBI Director Robert Molar. Staff were hired and fired at a frenzied rate. One position was Attorney General. Joe had hired attorneys many, many times in his career. All he demanded was loyalty. Attorneys are advocates after all. Their sole job is to advocate for ME (and consider nothing else). If only he could find such a person who he could get past those annoying fools in the Senate. Then a memo came across his desk. It was written by a William Barron. For some reason he read part of it (he generally avoided reading anything). The writer said it was impossible for a president to obstruct justice, since the President is the boss, thus he decides what is justice. “Makes sense!” “Who is this guy William Barron? Never heard of him.” One of his yes men piped in: “Mr. Barron was Attorney General during the elder Bush administration. He kept Bush out of prison. Some in the press (the enemy of the people) had called him General-Coverup”. “That’s my man!!” Exclaimed Joe.
Barron cruised though the nominating process at the Senate. He spoke in complete sentences. He had been the Attorney General before. He told them he would be fair. What more is needed to know?? Barron was IN.
A week after Barron took office. The REPORT by the former FBI director Molar was finally done and handed to him. Molar was a very restrained man. And even though he had tons of evidence and wrote a 400 page report, he did not believe it was his role to recommend criminal charges against the president. That was the role of the Attorney General, William Barron. Barron studied the report intensely for several minutes. Then he wrote a well reason letter finding the president was exonerated. The letter didn’t take long, as 90% of it had already been written.
Barron appeared before Congress. He told them he was going to the trouble of redacting sections of the report in different colors. Anyway, not to worry. There was no collusion. No obstruction. But before the left he told the Senate he did find SPYING. The deep state had spied on the Tromp campaign to find out their great complex strategy and plans. Imagine going to the trouble of spying on the campaign about nothing.
The beautifully multi-colored redacted report was released. But even though several words were left unredacted as a courtesy, it did not satisfy the Democrats. Legal proceedings began and went, of course to the Supreme Court, that august body whose members are appointed for life, without ever receiving a single vote. Since they wielded such great power. Past presidents generally refrained from nominating justices who were far outside the political thought of the majority of Americans. But such civility had ended. Over the past several years justices who held extreme views shared by only a small percentage of the county were put on the court.
The Supreme Court of the United States of America released it’s decision: The multi-colored redacted report was fine. Neither Congress nor the public had the right to the truth.
There were huge demonstrations around the country demanding the Report. Even violent ones. But they were very firmly put down, especially by the Tromp Special Forces. The Report was history.
Election time came again. It was President Tromp vs. the winner of the Democratic nomination bloodbath: a woman of color - with a gay VP running mate. The new faces of the Democratic party. The election was a nasty affair. Tromp was being Tromp. But the economy had stalled. Then it started spiraling downward. Years of short sided greedy policies finally took their toll. This, despite the constant money printing by the Tromp hacks to prop up the economy. The INFLATION word came back. People stated comparing the US to some South American economies. Unemployment soared. The stock marked sank. The Emperor had no clothes.
Sill Tromp charged forward. The problems were caused by immigrants and “globalists” Tromp screamed; and his Tromp Special Forces will save us.
On election night the electorate seemed to convulse all at once. State after state was declared by the networks for the Democrats, although the South and most Western states backed Tromp. After the end of the night the election was called by all the networks as a landslide in favor of the Democrats.
Tromp stared at the TV. It could not be true. He could only have lost.by fraud.
Tromp gave a speech from the White House to the American people in prime time. He had uncovered a massive conspiracy. THEY had stolen the election and thwarted the will of the American People. The Deep State, illegal immigrants and globalists conspired together. 10 million votes were illegally cast. Voting machines were hacked. Do not fear Tromp is in charge. He was declaring Martial
Law. Tromp Special Forces and the military were rounding up enemies of the people and bringing them to hastily constructed detention camps. Tanks surrounded the White House. All military personnel were required to take an oath of loyalty to defend President Tromp. Congress was suspended.
President Tromp was the national savior.
President Tromp – The Last President.
Author Notes: Background: I am an attorney and have been so since the 1980s. I have lived my whole life in New Jersey, very close to New York City.
I have a keen interest in what is going on in the world.
Recently have started to try my hand at writing (other than legal writing).