I remembered the moment I reveal my biggest secret, and I also remembered the moment you do the same. The 1-hour call changed me a lot. I just can’t forget how I feel that moment.
I was attending a camp. Everything was OK, but one.
I hope you understand how do I feel and how I suffer from my own mistake, and most of all, you understand why do I feel so ashamed of myself.
It starts when I fell in love with you. The day I left Jugra is the first day I have to live without seeing your face. Remember what I wrote in EVERYTHING IS A REASON? I waited you at 3 o’clock and you didn’t come. Zu replaced you, and giving me a bag of gift inside. I was surprised, you gave me Cheezels. I love Cheezels.
I was so confident that I can get straight A’s. Sadly, I wasn’t. We both apply the scholarship for overseas study. You got it, and I’m not. I was mourning and you were happy. My mum was trying not to remember and my dad made me mad all the times, opposing me, until now.
During the days, I always shouted my parents on the phone. I spent most of my credit on you. I’d nobody except you.
I feel a little relieved when i was in Labuan. I was away from my parents. But, I was so disappointed that you got the opportunity to study overseas. since then, I often went to the cyber cafe, and surf for information on US universities. Sadly, I feel down because it is not my fate to have the same chance as you. I eagerly forced my parents to send me away. I feel that I want to run away from Malaysia since then.
And days passed by, and the moment came.
You said that you have a boyfriend.
I really feel down until now despite some friends actually helped me. WH, for example, is the one who help me through the hard times. I feel very disappointed and terrible. I started to shun myself from thinking about anyone. I really feel sorry to my parents. I just shout and say bad words to them. I hated them. And I hated myself so much. I went to the counselor for help for 16 times, but nothing happened. I feel so heartless until now.
actually I worried about you, honestly. I worried about being apart with the one I love the most. I don’t want to lose you. I understand how hard you try to achieve and grab what you want. I ever imagined how hard your life will be when you are there. I ever imagined how hard my life will be without you. And the most of all, I EVER IMAGINED HOW DARK MY FUTURE WILL BE. I hope you understand how hard I regain back my teenage years.
HRH Prince Righty I
P.S: Fatin, I really hope that you pray for my success. Please don’t let me down… I really want to be beside you, facing ups and downs together. Forgive me… 143T.T
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