As I lay in my bed sometimes I reminisce on the things I could've changed.
Recently I was sexually assaulted by one of my best friends no less and I felt so violated. I hated myself that I didn't do anything to stop it. They want my forgiveness but that is asking so much of me, I can never look at them the same. I hated myself so much and I couldn't talk to anyone about it.
I felt like I was being such a drama queen, seeking attention but I couldn't control how I felt. I'm not a very emotional person but this nearly broke me. Every night I look out into the night and imagine what I could've done differently, but the thing is you can't change the past.
As much as everything hurts it hardens you in the end. It protects you from further damage and the cold night becomes the balm to all your worries. I know I'll get through this and no one is ever truely alone.