“To whoever finds this,
I don’t know who to blame for this. I don’t know how everything turned out the way it did. But I am not sorry to anyone.
Actually, I do know who to blame. I blame my parents, who never understood me, never loved me for who I am, and always compared me to all the kids in the neighborhood. I blame my teachers, who always told me that I would fail in life, who purposefully gave me lower grades to make an example out of me. The neighborhood kids, who thought that they had the right to tease me just because I was obese.
All of them are to blame. They made my life a living nightmare. Every waking moment felt like torture. The insults, the disgusted looks, the laughs, the teasing, all of it just consumed me from within. They destroyed me: resonating from wall to wall as I tried to find peace amidst all this chaos. I was all alone. Nobody wanted me. I was a burden to my own parents. And so, they kicked me out of the house as soon as they were legally allowed to do so.
Even fate was against me. I found no job thanks to the low grades my teachers had bestowed upon me. And even when I finally managed to get a job, they fired me on false allegations.
Life decided that I was to become the poster child for bad luck. I got some weird disease that made me look hideous. It worsened quickly and I didn’t even have money for treatment. It wasn’t long before I became an outcast of society. People started looking away in disgust. My life was just about to end.
But then came light. My little ray of sunshine in the cloudy sky of life. Christine. She found me rotting away on a sidewalk, death looming just around the corner.
She helped me and brought me back from the face of death. She was kind to me. The feeling that I felt, was new to me. And I mistook it for love. I put my faith in the sliver of luck that I had gained through meeting her and told her that I had started to like her. She didn’t say anything, just showed me her ring finger that I was too busy to notice earlier.
She sent me out of her clinic, requesting I never return. And just like that, the candle lost its flame and the world became dark once again.
I know who to blame.
I blame my parents. I blame my teachers. I blame those kids. I blame my life.
Most of all, I blame Christine for giving me hope and then taking it back.”
Dan was shocked. He didn’t know that he could write something like this. All the notes he previously wrote were always bland and lifeless. That is why this time he had decided to write the note from his own life and it ended up pretty good. He wiped the tear that had started forming as he got up from the table. “Sorry to keep you waiting. But you did get one of the best suicide notes I have ever written for anyone.”
Dan said it to the corpse that was hanging from the ceiling fan as he put the note into its pocket.
Author Notes: Photo by Chester Zhao
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Bangladesh • 21 years old