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The Rise of Alfonzo
The Rise of Alfonzo

The Rise of Alfonzo


To be honest, it wasn’t completely my fault. I didn't know it would end like this...

No one was supposed to find the body. But, it’s okay because NOW no one will find it.

My name is Manrouldy Dankworth, and I work for “The Delightful Beef” butcher shop. Last night was very entertaining; it started when I was busy fishing by the old fire warehouse. Or at least pretending I was - in reality, what I was doing was a little shadier than fishing at night.

I was just…- trying to show my new … friend the lovely view by the waterfall. But by the end of the night, we weren’t really friends anymore, and no one would be friends with him again. Because we both got viciously attacked by men with comically large nail clippers, we are both now bald but he looks like a sad little man with the head shape of a deflated balloon. Of course, we were angered by this, as anyone would be, and sought our revenge. So we have created a very detailed (# to be decided) paragraph long plan on how we will watch this filthy little brat suffer in AGONY for what he's done!

First off, I think it’s important to note that my “friend” knows a lot of “guys”, so he was able to obtain a number of useful devices and weaponry to assist in our treacherous plan. The first of which is a fork. There are a number of ways that a fork can be used to inflict pain; stabbing victims with it’s sharp tines, scratching the flesh of your enemies, and using the handle for blunt force are just some of the many examples. Since we have already spent the time to discuss how we will use the fork in seeking our vengeance I may as well tell you that I have spent many years training in the culinary arts of silverware-fare. Forkwondo is a skill that few know of, and even fewer can master, but my many years of experience and knowledge of its techniques and history have led many to call me the Forkwondo master. This is why I originally began working at the butcher shop, as you may have guessed, I am in charge of eating the leftover fat.

Although this may not sound like a very important job, it is much more significant than it may initially seem. Who do you really think eats all the leftovers? Even butchers know the importance of not wasting food. I am entitled to eating, my “friend” is named Alfonzo, he also worked at the butcher shop with me and he has a very intense, tragic, anime backstory…

-10 years earlier-

“Alfonzo, let me tell you my biggest regret,” Alfonzo’s father said while lying on his deathbed. “I once thought I was a good detective, but I failed, THE KILLER IS- aaa” then he was dead.

-Back to present-

Ever since then, Alfonzo has strived to avenge his father by finding the true killer. He has also not slept much since the incident. It was because of this that I first met him wandering around at night because of his insomnia, and I offered to give him free therapy. For the small fee of accompanying me on my fishing trips. He had heartily agreed, and we now meet each other on an almost nightly basis. While we are on these trips he tends to cry... a lot. Honestly, it’s really hard to watch a grown man bawl his eyes out like a baby. I don’t know what I got myself into, he now cries as soon as he sees me, he really is a little bitch baby.

So I’m surprised that he’s been able to hold out this long, especially because he hasn’t gotten pregnant yet. We have been in an affair for 3 years, his poor wife… really though, I don’t feel all the bad; if the woman still can’t tell that she’s being cheated on after all this time, it’s her own ignorance that’s at fault. I’m not sure why he hasn’t gotten a divorce yet, he's obviously happier when he's crying on my boat by my side.

Anyway, I’ve gotten quite off topic, so back to the men with the massive clippers. I have reason to believe that the men were related to the same men who created Alfonso's daddy issues. They must have some kind of connection to who the killer really was, I’m sure of it. One of the biggest reasons is Alfonzos dad used to have luscious locks but when he died he was bald. I’m sure whoever’s orders these men are following was the mastermind of the murder. OH, another weapon you can use is an empty lays chip bag. You’ll hear more about that later on though… I plan on using my dear Alfonzo as bait.

I had a theory that Alfonzo was the true target, and I was just a victim of association. For now I will be continuing to take him into public to hopefully catch someone slyly sneaking around him. Then we will lure out the killer.

I have decided to take Alfonzo on a vacation, when i tell him he just starts crying.

“How romantic!” he exclaims.

“Uhm.. What are you going to tell your wife?”

“We don’t have to tell that old hag anything,” Alfonzo said while caressing my hand.

“Okay go pack baby and i’ll meet you at the airport tomorrow morning” I said…

And they lived happily ever after.

Author Notes: This is a one sentence story where we took turns writing a sentence after each other... Hope you enjoyed!!!
It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater...

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14 Jan, 2022
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