I walk to the window and finally after everything i break down and heave sob after sob. I try to stop before someone hears my cries of pain and sorrow and comes, but i guess no one can really stop pain fully. i am a heartbroken person and have been fixed then shattered again into a million more pieces than before.. i do not care any more. i am only afraid someone will come because i took a bottle.
This all happened about one month ago. I am severely depressed, but my family does not know. I got home after a school day of lectures and note taking. I was so lazy and wanted a nap, but i was also hungry and got a snack. I was soon asleep while in the middle of doing homework and had very peaceful dreams. My nap was soon interrupted with a phone call. I picked up the phone still groggy from sleep. "Hello." I said sleepiness in my voice. "T-T-Tessa is i-i-it you." A shake voice asked me. "Yes," I replied wearily "its is Tessa who am i speaking with." "Tessa its me your b-brother Albert, sis i got some bad news." Albert said with a less shuddered voice. "Timmy our cousin he's....he's....he's dead." I was shocked. Our cousin Timmy was dead. How he wasn't even in college. Did he have a brain tumor, or something. This cant be happening, he cant be dead its just a horrible joke.... is it. i didn't bother answering i hung up ran to my car and drove to our cousins house.the whole ride i was debating with myself if it was a dream or not. when i pulled up to my cousins house i came to the conclusion this was not a dream this was all real. i stop my car not knowing, or caring if someone was behind me. my brain finally took in the scene. it had cops all over the lawn and yellow police tape. i pull up to their drive way and get stopped. "Miss this is a crime scene can you turn around in another drive way." I couldn't believe i had to tell him that the reason he was here was my cousin being dead. i couldn't. so i said "He's my family." i pionted to the body that was covered in tarp. "I'm so sorry come on in." The rest of the night was a blur of tears and break downs, ut i didnt cry cause i had to be the strong one and carry all the weight of everyone sadness. after that night i had three suicide attempts and was put into a hospital. i found friend to help me get through depression. sadly they all died because they all had cancer. now you find me were i am now crying because of all the things that happened in my life and because of all the people im going to hurt by doing this. im sorry my family, but your just to oblivious to notice and do something.