The day that we went to that carnival I felt like an outsider. I literally had to walk behind you guys, trying to catch up to you, and yet you all never even looked back to see I'm still there. And worst thing is that you, my so called best friends, made me feel like an outsider .
It honestly felt like absolute shit. You were too busy talking to your high school friends to acknowledge when I spoke . And when I asked you guys something, it felt like you guys were fighting the urge to roll your eyes and not to reply...and when you eventually did, it was almost as if I was a burden to you. And that day I ditched you guys to see what you will do, but you didn't even notice I was gone.
And that hurts. It hurts real bad.... And I know this is a bad thing to say, but you guys are not what my real friends should be like. You people care more about Sarah. I'm not jealous or anything but I'm just stating facts. When we have hangouts I'm always quiet because I'm simply observing how you people act.
You know what I observed ? The first thing you guys ask when you see me is whether Sarah is coming ,or why she isn't, or where she is at that very moment. Then you guys will continue to talk about her the whole day and how you people miss her .When really you guys don't see me just as much as you don't see her, but I know I'm not important enough for you guys.
Then when she is there y'all forget I'm there most of the times , even if you guys are at my house,you people will only remember me when Sarah points it out.
So I have come to realise that she is my only friend... And the only reason why you guys come to visit me often is to smoke , not to be at your own house or just a reason to hopefully see Sarah.
You people won't chat to me for months at atime and then when you do , you guys have an agenda. I'm tired. I'm tired of being the friend who always says yes. Tired of being the friend who always fights for you when you all won't even lift a finger for me. Tired of the fake "I miss you".
I always wondered why I felt uncomfortable around you guys and that is because my body somehow sensed that you guys are not the friends for me.
I put up this happy front ,infront of everybody when in actual fact I'm hurting inside. I go through so much stuff and I never could tell you guys because then you will feel obligated to give fake pity or pretend to be there for me,and actually thinking, " She is so dramatic!".
So thanks for some of the happy memories. But I'm done. I wish you guys all the happiness in the future. I just won't be there with you ,but don't worry you guys won't even notice I'm gone....