I was walking through the woods one night,
When i heard a noise and got a fright.
So i sang, and i hummed, and i tried to be brave,
But then i saw something come out of a cave.
My heart started racing, i was frozen with fear,
Please, please, don't let it come near!
I went and hid behind a big old tree,
I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to three,
If i couldn't see it, maybe it couldn't see me!
When i thought it was safe, and there wasn't a sound,
I then peeped out, and had a look round.
Slowly, i crept out from my hiding place,
But first i picked up a rock, just in case.
Then, out of the corner of my eye, (and i swear to you i tell no lie),
I saw a creature that was half man and half beast,
It was huge, it would have been ten foot tall, at least.
Quite easily, the nastiest thing i'd ever seen,
Growling and snarling, it looked incredibly mean.
The rock fell from my hand and i stifled a cry,
And i knew right then, i was going to die.
I glanced to my left, and then to my right,
But i couldn't see much, it was a very dark night.
All of a sudden it let out a howl,
And i got a whiff of something, rotten and foul.
The stench was so rank, i recoiled in horror,
If i didn't act now i wouldn't live til tomorrer.
So, i ran and i ran like a ginger bread man,
Though i didn't dare shout "catch me if you can"
Then, as i was running, and crashing through the trees,
The unthinkable happened,
I stumbled and fell breaking one of my knees.
I'd fallen over an old tree stump, landing with an almighty thump.
I raise my hand to my head, and feel a whopping great lump.
And i'm sure i'd cracked a rib or two,
Or maybe even three.
Now i need to use the loo, i'm dying for a pee.
My stomach hurts like crazy, i've got a very painful cramp,
But i can't hold on much longer.
So now my pants are feeling damp.
It started raining, and it's getting much colder,
And to top it all off, i've dislocated my shoulder.
When i'm beginning to think, it can't get any worse,
I see the trees part, and i utter a curse.
Standing right before me, and backlit by the moon,
A monstrous figure, so grotesque, i was overcome with doom.
The thing is so ghastly, and putrid, and vile,
As hard as i try, i can't keep down the bile.
So, there it is, in all it's glory,
And i wonder, will i live, to tell this story.
To be quite honest, i'm not feeling so good,
It's one of those occasions, things just don't, go as they should.
I'm telling you now, i have never felt sadder,
My day is just getting badder and badder.
This thing was so massive, so big and so tall,
And i was so tiny, and helpless and small.
As it moved closer, i got a glimpse of it's teeth,
They were huge, and sharp, beyond belief.
I tried to crawl away, but my body was broken,
If only this was a nightmare, from which i could have awoken.
I felt it's breath on my face, it was hot, and fetid and smelly,
Cowering on the ground, i began trembling and shaking just like a jelly.
Out of nowhere, right out of the blue, and very briefly, Only for a second or two,
Although i was bleeding profusely, outside and within,
My fear started subsiding, and bravado kicked in.
When push comes to shove, and it comes to the crunch,
You've gotta take action and deliver a punch.
Ivé never said grace or given the big guy a mention,
But right now, i could really use, some divine intervention.
I felt myself slipping away, i had been defeated,
I could do no more, i was finished, my energy depleted.
Soon it was over, and i'd lost the fight,
Even though I fought back, with all my might,
First there was blackness, more blacker than night,
Followed by the most pure, and magnificent light.
I could not move, nor could i see,
And i knew i was no longer me.
Now at this point, i really was well and truly very dead,
I was a gonner as they say.
Covered in blood, and caked in mud,
And quite lifeless, right there where i lay.
From up above, i looked down, upon that crumpled, pathetic little mound,
Which lay so still and motionless, and made, not a single sound.
Never a more pitiful sight had i seen,
And never would i know, what i could have been.
Through the undergrowth i was lugged,
As it heaved and dragged and pulled and tugged
Over sticks and branches, moss and mould,
Never stopping, or releasing it's hold.
Until eventually it reached it's stinking den,
Whereupon, i saw the bones, of many other men.
Their remains were scattered all around,
Strewn here and there, and everywhere,
Covering every single inch of ground.
Although i was totally horrified,
I wasn't in the least perplexed,
For i was absolutely certain, as to what would happen next.
Having said that, i have to admit, i started to feel kind of uneasy,
My guts are churning and there's no denying, i feel a little bit sick and queasy.
This is all a bit too much, it's giving me a scare,
I've really had enough tonight, i'd like to be elsewhere.
This proves i'm really just a wimp, and now that i've been busted,
Everyone i ever knew, will think i'm just a custard.
The creature started eating me, that's when i heard a scream.
It was me! i was alive, i wasn't dead, i'm safely tucked up in my bed.
IT WAS JUST A NASTY DREAM!