Three Girls Go Celtic!
JPYoung
Long ago and far away…
Downhearted
Unfortunately, one person was sombre in Mrs. Mahoney’s teashop near the girl’s school, or ‘Ladies College’, as it was officially known.
Two of the school’s Three Musketeers, Marian ‘Mary Francis’ Francis and Amanda ‘Sweetie’ Cadbury looked forward to the annual Celtic Festival as their school was a major part of the entertainment. It had originally been known as the Highland Fest, but the Lowlanders demanded a name change to Scot Fest, then the Irish and others jumped in, so the name was changed again.
‘I’m going with my sister. We wouldn’t miss it for the world!’, Mrs. Mahoney beamed.
Her husband had died many years ago, but she said her sister lived near the town the Fest would take place; then the pair would be going on a long, long holiday.
The other Musketeer, Kate ‘Brownie’ Brownleigh tried to hide her disappointment as she wouldn’t be taking part.
The short rotund Sweetie was the large bass drummer of their small pipe band, Mary Francis was one of the dancers and marching girls. However, the tall mousy blonde, sometimes gawky Brownie was neither musical for the former nor coordinated for the latter, though she was the best singer in their choir. She had to be content to be the loudest of the school’s cheerleaders.
Today was a dress rehearsal in the school gymnasium with the girls taking part in their Highland uniforms.
Mary Francis and Sweetie could see through Brownie’s attempt at putting on a brave front and consoled her. However, the more her friends spent time with her, the sadder Brownie became until she was near tears,
‘I do wish I could take part…’
‘Well, if it isn’t the Two and a Half Musketeers!’
Adding insult to Brownie’s emotional injury was a smirking Sandra Armstrong who entered Mrs. Mahoney’s. The school captain had it in for the three after Brownie threatened and Sweetie slapped her in front of her gang of stooges when they did a pack attack against Mary Francis, whose only friend in the school was sent down for cheating. They became the Three Musketeers after that, and no one ever bothered them again.
Sandra was the leader of the Scottish dancers and marching girls.
‘If it isn’t the minor majorette!’
‘I am not a majorette, Miss Francis, I am the Coryphée!’
‘Hoary way?’, asked Sweetie.
‘It’s not ballet, Miss Armstrong’, Brownie responded.
‘Miss Brownleigh, Miss Hibbard insists you come to watch our rehearsal.’
‘Are you sure it’s the Headmistress and not you, the Headlice?’, cracked Sweetie that made her friends guffaw and Sandra glare.
‘Just make sure you’re there, Miss Brownleigh.’
The girls watched their school captain stalk off, Sweetie read their minds,
‘She doesn’t walk, she slithers.’
Truehearted
Whilst the girls prepared for their rehearsal, Sandra loudly asked,
‘Miss Brownleigh, do you know your left from your right?’
Brownie hung her head down in shame, Sweetie’s face resembled a Viking berserker! Had Mary Francis not held her, she no doubt would have wiped the smirk off Sandra’s face with her fists!
Sandra continued,
‘Can you hear Miss Cadbury’s bass drum when she plays?’
‘Yes Miss Armstrong, her drum is louder than the pipes!’
Everyone laughed, including Sweetie.
‘Then all you have to do is make sure your left foot hits the ground when you hear Miss Cadbury’s bass drum…We all want you as the school’s colour bearer…especially me!’
Vanessa presented Brownie with a box that contained her own uniform. She quickly left and returned wearing the perfectly fitting ensemble.
‘You got your wish, Miss Brownleigh!’, Mary Francis chirped as everyone applauded.
Miss Hibbard presented Brownie with the national flag and a white frog to carry it,
‘Because of my injury I’m temporarily carrying a cane. I was going to ask you to carry our school sign, but Miss Armstrong suggested you carrying our National Flag.’
Everyone applauded, Sandra remarked,
‘You’ll have two of my girls as escorts to keep you in step!’
Everyone laughed again, including Amanda Cadbury, to Sandra’s relief.
‘But we’ll need someone to carry our school sign.’
Miss Hibbard’s ‘temporary’ injury had lasted longer and longer, all her girls realised she’d always have her cane. Dorothy told about her father being presented with a cane when he became a battalion commander and always carried it as a badge of rank. The girls presented their headmistress with an engraved cane with their Ladies College badge on the end of the crook handle.
The girls looked as if they had another cheerful secret!
Elizabeth glowed as she walked Monty, Miss Hibbard’s black Briard into the gymnasium. He now wore the name of their school written in red on a green coat and a small tam o’shanter!
‘Thank you, ladies…’, her ladies could see she was touched, ‘Monty, you’ve never looked better!’
‘Sandra B. DeMille’ organised them.
The two tallest marching girls marched to the side of the taller Brownie, the three marched behind Miss Hibbard walking Monty wearing his school sign. Behind the colour party was the small pipe band consisting of Catriona, their talented pipe major who also played solo bagpipe for dancing, four pipers, Sweetie the bass drummer and two snare drummers. They were followed by Generalissimo Sandra with drawn sword leading nine other precision marching/dancing girls wearing Scottish swords called Claymores. All were dressed in red Stewart mini kilts with matching shoulder plaids, giant white spats, black shoes and belts and red tam o’shanters with green toories as red and green were their school colours. White had been chosen for the coats rather than green as that colour faded; not making the uniforms look uniform. Sandra lorded it up with two giant feathers on her tam behind the school badge, Catriona wore one.
Their band played loudly as they marched around in a circle. Everyone was in step because of Sweetie’s drum.
‘Miss Cadbury’s a real boom to our school’, Mary Francis whispered.
Miss Hibbard made an announcement when they finished,
‘Catriona, the Celtic Fest Committee has asked me to ask you if you would accept the honour of being this year’s Lone Piper.’
Everyone applauded, then laughed as Catriona’s freckled face turned as red as her tam!
She was proud to accept!
Proudhearted
On the Saturday morning of the Festival, Miss Hibbard wore a long skirt in Steward plaid with three feathers in her tam.
‘Take that, Sandra!’ cracked Sweetie in a whisper.
Everyone was bright and early as they happily piled into their school bus that Miss Hibbard called a charabanc…it wouldn’t start!
Their groundskeeper/caretaker/handyman/bus driver looked at the engine,
‘I don’t know what’s wrong! She was fine last night!’
Everyone groaned except Brownie.
‘I wish the bus would start!’
‘Try it again’, ordered Sweetie.
Their bus started!
‘Our Good Luck Kate!’ announced Sandra. ‘She always gets her wishes!’
The Musketeers were liking Sandra more and more!
* * *
Prior to the parade on Queen Street that had been blocked off to traffic, Catriona marched up and down the street to herald the march.
The crowd enjoyed the parade that featured other bands, dancers, the Welsh choir, historical reenactors on foot and on horse and…local politicians, ending with the local fire truck.
Sandra’s idea of carrying the national flag was a winner; the school had more applause than ever! The Irish wildly howled when their pipes played St. Patrick’s Day in the Morning, Garry Owen. The Wearin’ o’ the Green and Finnegan’s Wake.
In addition to marching in the parade, the school pipe band played in the arena/sports oval as Sandra led her marching girls to march and countermarch.
Miss Hibbard explained to the audience the reels the girls did as they danced in three groups of four as Catriona played. They danced the Ghillie Callum around their Claymores they laid on the ground and performed dirk dances with their sgian-dubh daggers.
Mrs. MacTavish, photographer of the local newspaper asked,
‘Smile girls! Let’s see your “pearly whites”!’
‘We’re armed to the teeth’, Sweetie replied with a toothy grin.
Mr. MacTavish interviewed Miss Hibbard and her girls for the newspaper. He asked,
‘Did you know that during the First World War the Germans called the kilted Scottish regiments “The Ladies from Hell”?’
Sandra quipped.
‘You wouldn’t want to make our girls angry either!’
Everyone laughed and were delighted that for the first time Sandra said ‘our‘, instead of ‘my’ girls.
Sweetie and Brownie did a comedy routine in funny costumes worn over their uniforms. The former dressed in an over-the-top Hawaiian grass skirt and seashell brassiere with Brownie in a Victorian dress, pince-nez spectacles and a plaid giant icebag instead of a tam, explaining it was a Celtic, not a Hawaiian Helter-Skeltic Fest. She played a haughty headmistress combining her impressions of Miss Hibbard and Sandra that brought the house down. The brunette Mary Francis saw the blonde Sandra glaring, but Miss Hibbard roared that made Sandra laugh as well. Brownie demonstrated why she never made the dancing team by badly doing a Highland Fling as Sweetie played her ukulele and sang the Hawaiian War Chant; Sandra brayed like a jenny! The pair concluded with a surprisingly sweet duet of Aloha Oe as they harmonised perfectly. The crowd joined in with the chorus.
Once Brownie was recruited, Vanessa discovered that their talented group had enough singers to comprise a small a cappella choir singing Scottish, Welsh, Cornish, Southern and Northern Irish tunes. They practiced intensely before their departure. Prior to Vanessa conducting, Sandra removed one of her feathers and placed it on Vanessa’s tam. The Three Musketeers gave her big smiles with Sweetie squeezing Sandra’s arm.
‘Join us, Miss Armstrong!’
Sandra lowered her head.
‘I can’t sing…’, she turned to see if anyone was watching, ‘I’m awful!’
The Three Musketeers chimed as one,
‘Mime!’
The group received enthusiastic applause!
The festival had wonderful food kiosks, Celtic paraphernalia, and thrifty second-hand goods for sale.
Sadly, it wasn’t all pleasant…
The girls noticed a group of scruffy looking teenaged boys who looked like they were out for trouble. Sweetie wanted to give it to them!
‘I think someone should keep an eye on them as they’re up to no good!’
All agreed with Sandra!
As Catriona went by them, they whistled.
‘Listen to the sound of the wind blowing through the holes in their heads!’, Sweetie loudly observed.
The onlookers who weren’t impressed with the boys’ behaviour howled! The boys gave them nasty looks and slunk off to whatever rock they crawled out from under. But before they did, one of the gang sneered at Catriona,
‘Give us a kiss, darling! You know you can’t resist me!’
Monty raced up, leaping on his hind legs with his front paws on the comedian’s shoulders looking the frightened troublemaker in his eyes!
‘Lover boy’s so excited he’s wetting his pants!’, shrieked Nadine.
‘Monty! Come back, you might get sick! Those babies have rabies!’
Monty dashed back to his headmistress.
The gang of toughs-no-longer ran like the wind!
That afternoon all the girls rode a reserved carriage pulled by an old steam tank engine that made a small round trip on a goods train line. Being together dressed in their uniforms with Miss Hibbard and Monty made it twice as fun!
‘Today’s the most wonderful day I’ve ever had!’
‘The weather’s perfect too, Sweetie, and Monty loves his new coat!’
‘I wish we could have some mystery and adventure, then the day would be complete!’
‘Be careful what you wish for, Brownie. You just might get it…’
‘Then you’ll get it!’, added Sweetie.
Wholehearted
Upon their return to watch the rest of the show they noticed several police cars.
The crowd was whispering that the box office had been robbed! A tarpaulin had been draped over the one person counting the takings and had been tied so he couldn’t see who had done the robbery. He hadn’t heard any voices, just a continued knocking, when he opened the door and stuck his head out…
‘Where are those hooligans! I’ll bet they had something to do with it!!!’
‘Don’t go off blaming someone for something you can’t prove, Miss Cadbury!’
Miss Hibbard realised she had a group of excited ladies, and it was best to use their energy in a useful way.
‘Miss Francis is quite correct. However, I propose we split up in teams of two and report back here at our charabanc in exactly 30 minutes. Do not harass or accuse anyone! If there are any suspicions, one of your team will report back here to the others.’
As Mary Francis teamed up with Sweetie, and Darlene’s two friends teamed up with each other, Brownie paired off with Darlene. She couldn’t have made a better choice; Darlene knew her way around the streets as she had relatives who lived in the town.
‘What is that old house over there? Is it vacant?’
‘Too right it is. They keep talking about the new owners bringing it back to its former glory, but they’ve done nothing.’
‘I wonder if those troublemakers are hiding in there?’
They heard the slam of a door.
‘Did you hear that? Someone’s inside! Let’s investigate!’
Nothing could stop Brownie!
‘I think discretion may be the better part of valour, Miss Brownleigh.’
‘All right, Miss Reynolds. You may wait outside if you want to!’
Brownie heard movement behind the door and opened it.
There was Mrs. Mahoney counting the large amount of stolen money!
‘Mrs. Mahoney!!! You!!! I wish-‘
Kate Brownleigh couldn’t finish her wish as Mrs. Mahoney’s sister clamped her hand over her mouth and held her elbow joint forcing Brownie against her, making her unable to move as well as speak!
‘We’ve just the place for a nosey chatterbox like you…’
The chortling Mahoneys didn’t notice Darlene looking through the window! She ran like the wind…
The half hour was up; all the girls had reported to their rendezvous as Darlene ran up to them blurting out what she saw!
Bravehearted
As Darlene said, the door was unlocked; Miss Hibbard and her girls quietly entered.
Darlene whispered,
‘That’s the table Mrs. Mahoney was counting the money on, but her chair’s gone.’
From behind one of the doors, they heard loud thumping in threes, three short thumps, three long ones, then three quick ones again.
‘S.O.S.!’, the girls shouted.
Sandra beat all the girls to the door and tried to open it.
‘It’s locked!’
‘Clear the way, Sandra!’
The raging redhead Amanda Cadbury charged like a powerful locomotive, breaking the lock as the door burst open!
There was a wide-eyed Kate; a thick towel between her teeth was tied at the back of her head! She was banging her chair on the wooden floor as her hands were bound in front of her at knee height due to the same thick brown rope also binding her ankles.
‘Nobody does that to one of our girls and gets away with it! Nobody!!!’, vowed Sandra.
Sweetie untied her, Mary Francis removed her gag.
Brownie gave Mary Francis and Sweetie a group hug, then began her saga at the end,
‘I don’t know where Mrs. Mahoney and her sister are! I caught them with the money they stole, then they heard you coming and…’
They heard a vicious growl and ran to the window to see Monty with his hackles up and his teeth out looking like a savage black bear facing down the panicked Mahoney sisters!
Miss Hibbard was the voice of doom,
‘Come back inside right now or I’ll give him the word to rip you two apart!’
The two criminals quickly complied! When they were slow, Monty nipped their legs!
‘Our black sheepdog is herding the black sheep!’, quipped Sweetie.
Mrs. Mahoney’s sister sneered as she pulled a knife out of her bag.
‘Do as I say, and no one will get hurt!’
She dropped her knife immediately when every schoolgirl screamed like banshees and instantly drew their own swords or daggers!
‘The police will be here soon!’
‘Miss Hibbard, we can think of another use for that cane of yours!’, Brownie declared.
‘You’ll get your wish again, Miss Brownleigh!’
As Catriona played Skibbereen, the girls grabbed the two terrified thieves and bent them over…
FIN
Author Notes: Happy Thanksgiving!
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Australia • 68 years old