My fellow Americans,
The hour is dark.
Hence I stand before you
With a heavy heart.
Something is coming,
Something man has never seen -
An attack lacking precedent
Within the pages of history.
As you all well know,
We have many foes,
None quite like the one in the North -
An evil regime, a stain on the Earth.
Based upon decades of intelligence,
According to a mountain of evidence,
We know a super technology
Has been in development.
It was deemed best to keep you unaware
To prevent an avalanche of paralyzing fear.
But now the day of crisis is finally here,
Endangering all that you hold dear.
It is an unconventional act of aggression,
Capable of producing a new kind of Armageddon.
Every ear hearing my voice is threatened.
Now allow me, your President, to reveal the weapon.
This thing will change our paradigm,
For it is designed to accelerate Time.
That may sound just fine
When you're waiting in line,
But consider the effects
On your overall lifetime.
The rate at which you age will rapidly climb.
Happy events? They will pass on a dime.
From friendly greetings to lunch meetings -
They will all be unbelievably fleeting.
The bad will quickly pass,
Yes it's true.
But neither will the good last,
In an instant it'll be through.
As the Good Book says,
Our lives are like a vapor.
For this reason our days
We've been exhorted to savor.
Soon this will assume a tragically new meaning,
For toward us a hostile projectile is screaming.
According to radar,
It is approaching the West Coast -
Sort of like a ghost.
The aerial position is inconsistent,
Visible one minute then missing,
Defying known physics and comprehension,
As if somehow it's hopping dimensions.
We cannot project the hour of contact,
Nor even pinpoint the zone of impact.
This bomb is like none ever before faced
During the storied saga of the human race.
According to analysis by our military brass,
You won't hear a boom or feel any blast.
There'll be no obvious harm to the landscape -
No buildings razed, no landmarks erased.
Afterward you won't find debris or rubble;
Instead the damage will be more subtle.
Once you behold the image in the mirror,
The tragic fallout will become much clearer.
Smooth skin of youth
Will crinkle into wrinkles;
Sandy strands of hair
With gray will be sprinkled.
This will take place
Before your dimming eyes.
Weakening hearts will race
As Time literally flies.
It will seem as if you're getting mocked
By the furious spinning of the clock.
It will feel like you're being choked
By the hands of Time 'round your throat.
If there's a lesson lurking within all this,
It's that Time is - was - the greatest of gifts.
Nothing on Earth abides or forever lasts,
But who knew it would ever pass this fast?
I could tell you to cherish this present,
But in truth that would be wrong -
For really you should have
Been doing that all along.
The Time Bomb will soon upon us fall.
May God eternal have mercy on us all.