Timer

Watching the final days count by,

Hour by hour,

I've waited years for this now I want to die,

I don't know how to handle it,

When the timer goes off,

Will I be full or an empty pit?

I started it many years ago,

When I felt I could not carry on any longer

Telling myself to make it to then past the low,

Now it is near,

I don't know what to expect,

I'm full of fear,

It wasn't supposed to be like this,

I was supposed to be walking on a stage

Accepting my diploma with bliss,

Now I'll be watching the ceremony behind a screen,

I'm trying not to let it affect me,

But I just want to scream,

Four years of hell for a yard sign,

I followed the script,

And now it's messed up on the final line,

What was the point?

Put myself through the pain,

Making it through the tough journey just to have a ruined endpoint,

Now I watch the minutes of what was supposed to be,

Reminding myself what it should be like,

Reminding myself how I should be free,

But it all went wrong,

Even when I thought it couldn't,

And I had waited so long