No parent EVER wants to admit they have a favorite child, but a child always has a favorite parent; one that you just bond more with, one that gets you.
For me that is my Dad. The most amazing father ever!!!!
(I know super cheesy, but stick with me till' the end.)
I have never had a great relationship with my mom, we were always fighting and always at each other's throats never wanting to admit our faults.
The original reason for my rocky relationship with my mother is because as a young child she manipulated me against my father.
She, essentially, brainwashed me into thinking my dad was a horrible person, and this of course turned the six-year-old me against my other parent.
I thought the absolute worst of him and was legitimately terrified of going to his house on the weekends that were legally his; I was scared shitless of my own dad. This was all my mothers doing, and for the icing on the cake she would tell me to listen to everything my dad and his family would say, then turn around and tell her so that she would know. What I didn't know was that she used every word I told her against my father in court.
As a young child I was an easy target and truly didn't know what was happening; I didn't know I was hurting my dad, I didn't know that he almost lost any and all custody of me because of what I was telling my mom, and I sure as hell didn't understand why my mother would do what she did.
When I was young my mother's side of the family, including me, were all hardcore religious Christian’s. So she had pretty strict rules that I felt I had to follow even when I wasn't with her. So because of all the shit she had drilled into my head I told her about every moment at my dad's house in gruesome detail. Starting with the pop music that he listened to, that I was never allowed to hear, the collection of antique knifes he had collected, etc; basically every personal detail.
She of course couldn't help herself, and used everything she had against him in court, leaving him in a place of financial struggle for about eight years.
(Looking back now I remember telling her things, but from my own memory I was never given a truelly good reason to do it. I just did whatever she told me; I was beyond brainwashed.)
He was finally able to get into a really great place in life, financially, and was even able to start investing in big time productions as a side hobby.
I know that the guilt of all the shit I put my dad through is still on my shoulders, but how am I supposed to get rid of it? That was such a dark and hurtful time for someone that I love and it was all unknowingly caused by me.
Well to answer my own question, I will never be rid of that guilt because I lost YEARS of bonding time with my dad. Time that was so rudely rip away from me, that I will never get back; and neither will he.
But I have come to accept that guilt as something that can shape me into a better person; that guilt will remind me to NEVER, ever let anyone walk all over me or manipulate me to believe something false.
So years down the road, my mom's master plan failed because in all truthfulness I am closer to my dad than I have ever been with my mom.
Part of the reason I made it through high school was because of awesome advice from my old man. Every conversation/talk you're supposed to have with your mom I have always had with my dad, and it may seem weird but that’s normal for us.
Periods, boyfriends, sex, heartbreak, bestfriends, etc, I always went to my dad for everything.
So I know you will never read this Daddy, but thank you for being my anchor to sanity. Thank you for never making me feel inadequate or uncomfortable; thank you for allowing me to confide in you every secret I had. Thank you for not ever yelling at me for my mistakes, small or large. You are my rock, and you are never allowed to leave me!!! Understood??!!
Author Notes: Can you tell I'm a daddy's girl?😉😂
United States • 27 years old