Trapped!

The fresh painted white walls, fills the house with the smell of hope but theres no hope left for me and him.

I miss, the sweet smell of his clone wrapped around me, the red roses he smoothly slipped into my copper redish orange hair.The smile on his face when he actually realised what he has.I miss all of that.Those memories should comfort me but they don't, the only thing that does, is the cold bitter taste of vodka slipping down my throat untill it's gone.It washes away anypainful memories of the past, good and bad.They are gone, my heartache is just gone.

The hope of love and freedom is just gone, i don't believe in a one true love or if you what to be free you can be free.The prince charming, that is coming into my life to rush me off my feet and ride into the sunset with me on the back of his white horse. The freedom of letting yourself be free, letting go of all the pain and secrets that you held inside of your messed up mind. It's all bullshit.

The most painful thing is, life and love just gets ripped away from you as quick as a blink of an eye.I wish i could turn back time before everything happened.Before my own mind started to turn on my and collapse in on me.I wish i could turn to my father for his wise words of advise.His caring hugs that i alwayed loved.I still love him though,through the pain of life and reality.

Her shining white smile is slipping away of her gentle face.I wonder to myself why is it slipping away.Is it me?Of course not.I treat her right, i buy her the most beautiful red roses also her favourite dark chocolate treats, that i hate. She has everything! The lastest desginer bag.Makeup i don't think she needs.She covers up her perfect little feckles, that she loves to cover with her rosey pink blush.The little black liner at the side of her emarled eyes.

But I miss the old times when we had nothing part from eachother. It is me then? That causes the toxic agruements between us.The cause of her alchoal problems, the shots of vodka, that she thinks i don't see her take at 1pm in the afternoon.Am i the reasonwhy shes destorying her perfect image alsp her dreams of freedom.What can i do,to help her and not destory her hopes and dreams?

Does she even miss me or is it me missing her?

I will start complimenting her, i will start noticing the little bits she does for me.Like her bewitching voice when she sings her favourite song around the house,when shes doing the house work. Her smile when she achieved the most little of taks.Her odd but amazing loveable moments, that i would never want to forget.That big white smile on her face when she came down the aile, in the most stunning peachy white wedding, I will never forget that day. The best day of my life.

I don't want to lose her, i will do better and love her untill the day I die.

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