I don't understand wtf i did wrong. No one even wants me here anymore. I have never felt so unloved and unwanted. I don't want to be here anymore.. I just want to disappear.. No one cared if I left or if I never came back.. I always make sure everyone else is okay but no gives a crap about me… i am worthless and unneeded..
I am always blamed for things I never did and I am tired of people targeting me and making me feel horrible about myself.. But what if they are right? What if there is no reason for my existence. What if I am just numb..
I don't want to be here anymore, I just want to disappear.. I have watched my mom go through hell and depression, and I hoped I would never have to go through this but here we are.. Every feeling I never wanted to feel. I am feeling and they are much deeper than I could have ever imagined… it sucks not being able to talk to anyone.. I cannot trust anyone when it feels like everyone is against me.. No one even wants me anymore..everyone is giving up on me because I cannot do anything right. I always love people i shouldnt and trust people who eventually stab me in the back.
I never knew i could feel this bad about life, school, and just everything in general. I feel that I will never be good enough and never be wanted.. I just want someone to truly love me and want me but most importantly I want to love myself.. I want to die but I cannot leave my little brother behind.. I love him more than I ever thought I could love someone… I know that if I left and never came back it would send my mother in a downward spiral and I couldn't leave my brother with that.
I can't say that i've never cut, that would be a lie.. I cannot say that i want to die, that would also be a lie, but i cannot say i want to be alive.
United States • 19 years old