I was thinking of random things when I get the career I prayed for.
Most of time I feared what future brings to us. Or what if it jinxes me how can I cope up in that bad situation?
There are certain ideas that playing in my mind. The things I scared the most to happens. But those are just the thought that makes me feel weak.
Sometimes, we scared for nothing. The things we worry so much but it actually never happens!
We just wasted our time thinking of bad things, and sometimes we attract those bad things to happen. We made decision according to the negative thoughts we are thinking that’s why we end up making wrong decisions.
I’ve learned that as I get older everyday life is a miracle. Your plans in life are not always happen the way you imagined it to become.
I sometimes pray badly for the career I wanted to have. But most of the time I get rejected and as times goes by, I felt really rejected that I felt like I’m not good enough and I don’t get what I want. I end up always as proxy, contractual, and reliever. Nevertheless, I accepted it and surprisingly, nothing bad happens to me. But it cost me self-doubt, not good enough, mediocre person.
I get myself back because no one will do it for me anyway. I started widening my horizon and pace back in forth why God made me experience it? Why he did not protect me from those rude people and mediocre feelings that makes me feels. After all I figured it out myself.
That God’s way is difficult because I was so weak. I need to experience it because I no longer have Daddy who can catch me whenever I fall.
I vividly remember praying to God before to be successful woman, because of my relative makes me feel small. So, I wrote everything in my notebook all my pain and dreams after Daddy died. I remember writing about Mama, That I need to be strong for her. I wanted to make sure that even Daddy is gone, I can take care of her financially.
I never thought that it would be the God’s way to make me strong. To put wrong people in my life and make me feel failure over myself. He’s plan is way better beautiful more than we dreamed of. Endure the process and accept things to happen if you do. It makes you stronger.
Right now, I became the better person I used to know before. Still working in progress.
Author Notes: When your in pain. God is molding you, be brave God is with you.