Ideas sometimes feel like a slap.
It somehow crossed the gap between us,
Piercing every fragment of my mind.
We've always been good friends--
(great even!) a certain framework always applied.
We never really tried anything else.
Wait, when did this become a thing?
I never contemplated 'cause our bond, uncomplicated,
Just seemed normal all along.
It's stupid thinking of her this way.
It's asking for pain if you change how your brain
Sees the people around you and how much they mean
When you don't have a way to know whether or not
They think about you
How did I let this happen to me?
Control of my emotions matters,
Now in tatters my convictions lie.
We're here now-- rather, I'm here, what now?
This alien idea found me, forged some chains, and tightly bound me.
Feelings not my own invaded spaces formerly created
By intentions all my own,
Based in truth but never
Leaps of faith.
The past is irrevocably changed.
I've lost the way I used to see us,
Now it's up to me to sort this out.
I never thought I'd ask you for more.
We had a silent sure agreement,
Now I question every unsaid word.
This isn't something to be tried twice.
I've got one chance to ask the question,
let's not mess this up-- dammit
Worms inside me as the days fly.
You act like you don't notice this,
This fist inside my stomach that takes every chance it can
To steal the words I want to say,
Turn them into harmless laughs that mask the truth
This pointless wishing
What I DIDN'T WANT until now
More from me, from me to you
But I don't know so I don't
I'll settle down for who knows how long.
This fear inside me trumps desire,
My entire view of you is too confused
I hope some kind of normal will come.
Dreams are not disposed of,
Just because love takes it's time
Doesn't mean it isn't worth
The time it takes.