Walking on Fire

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Unfortunately It wasn't all about how they will make me happy after they decided to have me. In 1977 my mom (M) give a birth to a beautiful little girl who she decided to leave and not to take her home. This little girl got so lucky after a few days and a couple named (S) and (J) adopted her they named her (K)
They loved her so so much at the beginning and (K)was happy .
They seemed happy too. What has changed about the way they felt about me?
Unfortunately something has gone wrong about (S) and (J).
They turned their back away from (K) , the little girl they adopted, wasn't their anymore, they have turned to a monster.
When (K)turned the age of 4, all started to happen with her it was the start to her life she did not know will wait her. I would say that it was planed with me because there is no another explanation to this and what they are going to do with me.
(J) did something he was never meant to do to anyone let alone to his little girl he loved the day he adopted. I'm just thinking now , has he done something like this before? I mean how could someone to even think about using a 4 years old girl?
Sometimes I just sat in the corner and trying to think about what was really going on in his head! What was the reason they adopted me? Have the hospital did all the background checks for them both, or they just give me away to someone like them.
I'm still looking to get as much answers I possibly can to answer my question even though I'm 42 years old now.
Maybe, my life would have been different ,to the one I lived for a few years and this is not only as a child. My life is like a big peace of puzzle and I'm just trying to find my missing pieces to complete it.
So let's start my story from my past , and where I'm now.
It was 1981 when I turned four and I wish It never happened. What I went trough that day was a nightmare for the rest of my life.
At age four my step father used me sexually I remember the day like it happened yesterday this will never go away, and it left a big scare on my heart for the rest of my life I wish every day this would go but its there even stronger.
I was lying on the bed helpless end reaching out my hand for help! I shouted as hard as I could tears where dripping down my cheek, I screamed when I finally saw my step mom coming into the room , NO she stopped by the door and she was only standing there and watching what is the monster doing with me. What was she doing? Was she shocked of his actions or what exactly was going on in her head at the time as she wasn't helping me getting away from him!
It didn't take long for him to finally stop!
I have been left on the bed covered in blood for a few hours , when my (S) came and said . This is all your fault, this happened because of you, you did this to him. She blamed me for what he did. How can she telling me words like them?
What have I done at age of 4 it made him do something like this ? How would a 4 years of girl do so upsetting?
This happened only the one time I remember and from that day I never lived as a child should. Never told anyone about what he did to me.
I mean would anyone believe a child at the age of four telling something like this? Where possible would children get to even hear a world used or raped? I lived wit h this until the day has come.
My life has changed. I waited days for this to arrive, at the age of 8 I remember sitting in the corner on my own not talking to anyone, I never had a good relationship with the rest of the children from the school, I was different from them. I was in school when my teacher walked up to me and asked me. At first I wasn't sure if I can talk or it's just an another game from their side to find out why I'm alone at all the times .
Hello (K) can I ask you something? I just nod my head, and she asked, why are you sitting here alone and not playing with your friends? I'm sure they would love to have you around in their group. Come on lets have a little fun and It will make you happy you will see.
This day was the day I started to talk. I don't know why, but I felt different .
.She was so lovely and loving. I answered her question, I don't have any friends to play with. But after the talk we had I have made a few.
Of course you do just look around how many children are here.
They are not my friends they wouldn't play with me I'm different .
She asked me, and why do you think that you are different ?
Because there is no difference between you know?
I trusted the teacher and I felt that this is the day telling someone what happened to me, what they did to me.
People adopted me at the time has become a monsters.
It took me a while to think about this if I should tell or not.
I took a deep breath before I started to talk. I remember my teacher just sitting there and tears scrolling down here cheeks just like on mine the day this happened.
I started with I was raped, what you mean? She didn't understand what I was trying to say at first, but as I went deeper into my story It was all clear.
So I said again I was raped when I was 4 years old . My step father did it , again she didn't understand . My mum was watching him do it and she said nothing to him I never told this to anyone before as I had no one to talk with apart from you now, so please don't tell this to anyone. She said don't worry your secret will stay with me.
As you all might know, she didn't keep it just for her self .
A few days later when I was walking home from school I noticed that there are police cars around our house. I walked in quite and I saw (S) being in handcuffs a they took him away.
I still wasn't sure what happened so I walked into my room and waited.
My step mom walked in angry and said again the same words as she did on the day!
This is all because of you, you did this to him! What have I done? How can she still telling me it's my fault? Then I knew why were the police there , why they took him away.
He was sentenced to prison, not sure how long for, but I never seen him again after.
At the age of eight I was then placed with my grandmother and grandfather they been taking care of me up until the age of sixteen. It felt better after me telling what happened I felt different on some days ,and I thought that I will start living a life I deserve.
I know that this can't go away, but on some days I just forgot what happened the day! And on the rest is all there again the memory still following me .
I turned sixteen when I started to live a different life, no it wasn't better as I thought it will be I wanted answers to all my question
I started to run from home, late nights out and sleeping on the streets many cold nights.
My life was a mess and I wanted to do something but I didn't know what.. I was sixteen with no money or place for my own I couldn't stay with my grandmother.
I ended up working and making money by selling my self to different men almost every hour but it wasn't my choice. I have met someone who was kind to me at the time and especially after me telling him my story I thought he wouldn't do the same to me well almost the same
I thought he wanted to be my friend after I told him what happened to me.

NO he used my story and he was selling me to make money for himself.
At 18 I became pregnant for the first time while doing this, I give a birth to a beautiful girl. I was ready to become a mam I never had for my little angel .I was ready to leave the hospital when I asked the doctor to bring me my baby I'm ready to go, he said I'm sorry my dear but your baby is staying with us you are not taking her anywhere. I wasn't sure what is he talking about, so I asked once again , can I please have my baby so we can leave?
I didn't understand what is he saying, he said once again sorry.
I sat down to the nearest bench and I started to think about this situation. I just remembered that they didn't even let me see my baby after the birth like they supposed to do , It made me think even harder.
I was looking for answers to mystery they were trying to do, but I didn't get far.

I wasn't given any explanation they just took my girl away and I never seen her in my life,they did all this like I was never there and giving a birth . They knew nothing about me ,about my life and my past I haven't done anything wrong! All I wanted was my baby.
I was broken the day!
I walked outside and i wanted help to find my baby, there was him outside waiting to take me away again but I had no power for fighting anyone. I walked up to the car! He took me back where I come from and continued making money. I felt pregnant three times in total while doing this and all children had been taken away from me no explanation given. Never seen them, never held any of them.
In 2011 I traveled to London I was told that there will be a better life for me, they will help me with a job and to find my children !
So, I said to my self that there can't be anything worse then this so lets go. The most important thing in my life was to find my children anyway
I have mistaken, this time they sold me to someone in London. I mean was money so important for them? Was it worth it ?
It was a foreign family and they needed a wife to their son I was supposed to marry someone I never seen just because he could live in London. Never in my life knew that my life is going to be so much about money. Somehow i managed to run away before they marry me with someone .I was on the streets of London for a few night without anything. A few days later I met a guy from the same country and he offered me his help after me telling him what has happened to me and why I'm on here. He took me to his family he said. It was We were traveling a few hours to get there and when we finally arrived, I looked up and all I saw was houses around me i feel save for the time !
He opened the door and we walked inside there was about twenty people sat in the room and waiting for us .
He had a huge family from what I saw in there sitting in the room, and 3 girls in the kitchen standing by the sink and cooker. The looked all from a different countries as well.
I started to be curious about the family. I was given a bed with one of the girls and the next morning she asked me, do you know why are you here? Did someone tell you?
I asked her what do you mean? Didn't they tell you about what is your job in this house? No! Right your job will be from now on.
Cleaning the toilet, mop all the floors and make sure you are never late when they ask you for something. Be quick is the key!
Oh my god not again! Why is this happening to me ? What have I done to deserve this life from the beginning?
I must find answers to this and it has to end now!
There was a girl planning to do something , the only problem she had that she had to pick the children up from school and it was her only time out ! So one day when she picks up their children from school, she left a message asking for help. It will take quite a while but we hope someone will come!
Until then we only did what they wanted from us! There was something strange about themI was doing what I was told when I saw someone and I fell in love with him for the first time. We become a couple but I still had to do everything the same. I got pregnant for the fourth time again when they found out that I'm pregnant I had to go through abortion they said that I'm not a person who would be a good mother and after my children being taken away before they would take this away as well.
This is not all about me pregnancy I also have given birth to 3 children while in England and they are in care with someone.
The same happened three time in a row with me while over in England I was pregnant with my third baby when finally someone come for our help. We had a police force kicked the door in there was about ten police cars parked outside on the day. They told us to lie down and stay on the floor I shouted I'm pregnant I'm not able to.
Everyone was taken away from the house only I was left there.
I turned out to be the key witness and I was placed under police protection. I couldn't not believe all this is happening to me it was like watching NCIS in real life.

Never in my life was I thinking about going through so much bad! The day when they been taken from the house I have been on my own for a few hours.
He love of my life returned after a few hours to the house and we started to check all the rooms what they left or what we could found . I was surprised about everything I never saw some of like that in my life !
They shad everything.
In around 2018 I was moved to police protection for the court sentence i have waited long for this to come and its here.
Chapter 1
Let me tell you what have I gone through while all this from the beginning. I was raped at age 4, I felt pregnant in three different occasions where my babies been taken away and no explanation.
I was sold to someone in London
I have given a birth to three children while in England and i had one abortion so all in total, 6 children I never seen, one abortion and at age 4 raped.
The end of this story is ,

I was told that this is called modern slavery
Dear readers i will be happy to answer more of your questions.
Story of Katarina Razlova

Written by
Katarina Tothova

Author Notes: Based on true story

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