Tonight, I just lost the love of my life. Amanda was the most perfect girl I ever knew. I always find myself daydreaming about our future together, but I was so stupid and made her go away. My future is crumbling and I'm all alone in this dark beach. The breeze is warm tonight, but I feel so cold. This solitude is keeping me at peace, but it can only do so much before I end it all. I couldn't take it anymore. I dove in the water, feeling the cold shiver run through my spine as the sea covers me. As I was about to succumb to the water and drown, a woman calls on to me.
A WARM SUMMER NIGHT
"Hey!" she called. "You there, what are you doing?"
"Well," I stammered as I try to think of a lie. "I was just... swimming."
"Liar." she said with a stern voice. "You're not trying to kill yourself by drowning in the sea, aren't you?"
Damn it. She knows. Yet somehow, there’s no glint in her eyes.
"So what if I am, huh?" I suddenly blurted out.
I then remember the feeling of losing someone you truly care. The feeling of having something so precious and then throwing it away. The feeling of guilt and regret, and the weight it gives me. I remembered everything!
"It's not like a person as stupid as me has any worth in this world. I'm a horrible person and shouldn't deserve to live!"
"Shut up," she said and gave a sigh. She paused for a moment, seemingly in a deep thought.
"We're complete strangers but come here. Sit beside me and let's talk. By the way, my name is Trisha. What’s yours?"
I took a deep breath as a sense of relief hits me. I felt my chest lightened up. Slowly, I walked towards her and sat at the sand.
"I'm Andrew," I said.
"So Andrew," she said. "What exactly happened that made you -- this?"
"Me and Amanda, my girlfriend, were in a party yesterday. It was going smooth at first, but she then started talking to these other guys. These guys are athletes, and some of them used to like Amanda. It just crushes my heart when she goes with others."
"And then you two got in a fight and broke up."
"Yeah." I said as I gave a big sigh.
"But why kill yourself over a girl?" she asked. "It's not like the world will end when you lose someone."
"It is!" I shouted. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. "Especially when it's someone who you've already imagined spending forever with."
She was silent for a moment. She then stood up and took a deep breath.
"So these are your mistakes," she said. "First of all, give her some space. You're not the only guy she has in her life. You also shouldn't be insecure about yourself. Most guys that are overprotective are usually insecure about themselves. Be proud of yourself that you're her man! You should trust her more too because you're the one she chose."
"But what if she might cheat on me?" I asked as my voice trembles.
"Then it's her problem, not yours. You won't have the guilt of being the one that cheated in your relationship. As I said, you should trust your girlfriend more. It's sweet for guys to be caring and protective but don't go overboard. Give her some space. She has her own life to live and you have your own."
"Second," she adds. "Stop. Daydreaming. Well, it is not bad to dream, but don't bet on them either or you'll end up like someone that lost all hope in their future - like what you are right now."
I was silent. The wave of realization suddenly hit me. I truly am a stupid person and I'm beyond help.
"Now," she says. "Go say sorry at her and ask her to be his girlfriend again."
"Wait, what?" I exclaimed. "But what if-"
"No buts! Just do it."
I was silent again, thinking of how to do that.
"I'll be going then," she said as she stood up and took a deep breath. "Good luck Andrew. Be sincere, girls love that. And also, don't do anything stupid again!"
"I won't." I said. "Hopefully..."
The following night, I went to Amanda's house. I brought flowers and a few boxes of pizza. She loves pizza more than chocolates. I rang the doorbell and stood there, trembling. My hands are shaking. My heart is pounding hard, sending shockwaves throughout my body. I can barely breathe. What if she'll just ignore and slam the door on me? What if this'd make her even more pissed?
I knew it. I shouldn't have done this. I'll just leave.
Suddenly, the door opens. And in there, Amanda stood. Her blonde curly hair looks much worse tonight. She's wearing her favorite rugged pajamas. She's holding a bucket of ice cream and a spoon, probably eating it alone. She looks so messy and in disorder - and cute.
"Oh," she said with a flat voice. "It's you."
"Amanda." I said while holding the door she's about to close.
"Just listen to me," I said as I looked down. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have acted that way. I should've trusted and believed in you more. It's just that I truly care for you. I don't want to lose you because you are one of a kind. You're special to me, and I-"
"Stop it please," she said as she held my head and smiled. "You're making me cry."
"Can I come in?" I said as I laughed. "The pizzas are gonna get cold."
"Yeah," she said as she wiped her tears. "Come in."
Her frown turned to her biggest and brightest smile I ever saw. In just one look, I forgot all of my pain and worries. God, I really love that smile. I really love her.
We ate pizza and watched movies that night. We made love until morning came. I'm truly grateful to Trisha. I promise I won't be stupid again.
I visited the beach again that night, hoping to see Trisha again. I need to properly thank her for saving me from my thoughts. For pointing out my mistakes and my stupidity. For helping me get back up and have her again.
So I sat in the sand and waited for an hour.
There's no sign of her.
I waited for another hour.
There's still no sign of her.
I waited for a few more hours.
Then, I woke up. The sun already rose. The only ones here in the beach aside me were a few fishermen catching fish in the sea.
She never came.
Suddenly, I heard a scream. The fishermen were in tantrum and were in a hurry to go back to the shore. They were bringing something big caught in their net and laid it on the sand.
"What's that?" I asked them and walked towards them. "Is that a fish?"
"No," one of the fishermen said. "It's a woman's corpse."
They were frightened. I can see the fear and horror in their eyes. I took a closer look, and I saw her.
"It's Trisha. H-how could this be?"
Her skin was pale. Her body was as cold as ice. She seemed like she has been dead for a couple of days. I took a deep gaze in her face and saw a tiny grin. Did she kill herself? Could she have drowned herself? Why?
I was speechless. Thoughts keep pouring on my mind, trying to find the answer as to why she's dead. I grew weak and fell to the sand, thinking what could've happened. And to think that this woman was able to help me a few days ago. To think that this body used to have a life in it.
And then it hit me, there was no life in her when we met. Her voice was monotonous. Her eyes lacked any spark and was instead full of dread. Her soul was almost nonexistent. I could've noticed it at that time. I should've noticed it if I wasn't so engrossed by my own thoughts and feelings. She went her way of helping me out even when she's suffering deep inside. She saved me even if she can't save herself. I could've helped her too!
I'm sorry Trisha. I couldn't pay you back. But I promise you, I'll never be stupid again. I'll love Amanda more, but I'll also give her space. I'll treasure her and make sure your efforts will not be in vain. And I promise to be more mindful about others, especially to people that are suffering inside, like you.
But lastly and most importantly, thank you Trisha.