Life’s been hard, it’s been like someone punching u repeatedly in the gut to where You just want to sit there and bleed out, to where you can’t even feel the pain of anything anymore. Life’s been hard to where you can’t remember what u ate for breakfast or if you even ate at all. It’s been such a rocky road that people decided to make it feel better by naming an ice cream after the way life is taking you. Life has been hard from the day you started 6th grade, the social belonging feelings that got to your stupid head, feeling not smart enough to even be considered a good student, having to pretend to your friends that you're just as smart as them even though compared to them you're dumb as heck. Life was hard when you were always compared to by your friends. The feeling of never being enough for your family, or being too much to Handle. Too scared to stand out because you're afraid to question your abilities. Your abilities lack and everyone can see your flaws. The despair in your eyes, as you realized you’ve messed up again. The moment you realize: feel. Everything thing is helpless. Your understanding of the situation is out of hand, now it’s life or death, swim or sink, all the pressure is on your shoulders. What do you do? Panic all the emotions pour out of you, swearing, tears, pain everything just spills like a broken bottle. You’ve become the broken bottle now, it’s only minutes until someone sweeps you away and out of their sight and life forever. Still broken and useless, unless someone fixed you, but you’ve already been used and the odds of being fixed are. So low it doesn’t matter. Processing the pain of glass in your skin, pain at first but just numbs our after a few times, now your at It making little cuts symmetry was always easy in math so you're pretty good at making the lines. Slowly it goes in, but not too far in deep, just enough to cause little damage with no blood. Physically you're prepared and ready, emotionally you're a victim to your own hatred. As you start you realize… Every line was for every insult they threw at you, you keep going for another 5 minutes, humming along and thinking, away from everyone of course, so that way they don’t have to know the other monstrous side to your grotesque personal. You shy away in shame and never want to speak to anyone, but if you don’t they question. Do they wonder what did you do? Why? How are u? The normal questions a “worried” person would say. Sometimes you're just want to scream and walk the hell away, but you can’t Bc then they’ll know your secret. when ppl don’t have to see your true colors thinking about yourself and your problems in life as a grotesque ugly human being. But not only are u gross and ugly, your stupid and hopelessly lying here expecting people to understand your stuff. But they can’t so You put on a mask every day that screams I’m so happy, and positive. But in reality, you’d rather be under the covers crying and typing up this story about your depressing reality.
Author Notes: Well, this will have been y first story 2/25/19
United States • 21 years old