The first day i actually found out i was bi i didnt think it was true, i thought maybe this was just a faze...but it turned out that it wasnt, i didnt know how to tell my grandparents or my family and i was scared since my family is christians that they might not want me...but when i told my grandparents i was bi they only talked to me that one day about it and then after that it was back to normal...not everyone of them know but i stilll am scared for them to know...i got these crazy thoughts go in my head that if someone from my school knows im bi and tells everyone about it i might just have to kill everyone here...unless i already have tried and im just telling you this now 2years later...
it started off as a normal day...well i thought it was until i see this girl..my age blue eyes and soft brown hair i have seen her in school before just didnt really talk to her because i was to nervouse to, we pass each other in the hall i dont know if she notices me but i think she does, a couple times i seen her smile at me but i dont know if there was someone behind me or not so i just dont do anything back, i know that your probably thinking that i should have did something back but at that moment i just was in to much shock to move...i loved everything about her but when i couldnt talk to her because she had a boyfriend i forced myself to forget about her and it was hard...so i decided since she was going to find out anyway i was going to make a note to her before i killed myself
that night i had so many thoughts running through my head that i almost couldnt think straight so i just stopped writing and started thinking to myself "would she have cared if i had died/killmyself?" or something different but still i never got a answer for it i just kept thinking about the possibilities of her going to say "ew no" or worse laugh and tell everyone she knows, at that moment i had tears running down my face so much that when i looked at my hands i couldnt see them they were just to blurry, so i grabbed the blade that i kept hidden in my secrete draw and put it to the vain that was in my wrist and slowly sliced it open as blood drippled down i started to grow weak and kept thinking to myself that i should have told her but it was to late i could see everything going blurry and then...
i heard footsteps and my name being called but i was way to weak to notice, my ears closed and everything went silent...then i started hearing a beep noise next to me and woke up in the hospital, looking around wondering how i got here i see my mom squeezing my left hand and my sister squeezing my right, i looked around and then back down at myself, i had a gown on and i thought to myself" how did they find me i was alone at home" fresh tears run down my face and i asked to be alone please and without a word they left, as i looked down at my arm that i had cut myself at i wondered if they had gave the note to her and just as i was in lost at thought the door opened again so i slowly look up and i see her just standing there with flowers and a get well soon card and when i got to face to face with her she grabbed my hand and gave me that smile that i loved and before i could say hi she said " i got your note and it was really sweet and deep and i just wanted to say that i loved it and i like youu also i just didnt know how to tell you" i was stunned i didnt know what to say and finally when i went to say something she kissed me softly and i smiled as i kiss back
from that day on were still close and were still not as in love as we use to be but we still got feelings for each other that will never change:) btw we did date just we ended up not wanting to date anymore and we both understood since we both had a lot going on and we both thought it was best but i told her and she told me the same thing that we definitly see each other in the future together
United States • 21 years old