Tell me mother who am I to hate, tell me father who am I to forgive.
That day it was raining to told me. Raining long and hard as you told me ‘Someone important in my life was sad that day’. Who is important people? SOmeone to me? Mother did everything for me, so she was important. What did father do? (Get drunk, do things a child would never understand)- I was too young to understand. That day I was left alone in that rain. While you dealt with ‘errands’. It was a dark day. I smiled as you had always told me too. Smiling in the cold rain. I didn’t know what happened. As I return home, and mother, I was too young to understand. Your dark black car was parked outside, and with a white classy car: father. I would never understand. I remember you crying, but when I entered you screamed at father. As if making you the victim...He looked sad. I would never understand. As I closed my eyes in my lonely room- with a smile spread across my face, ignoring and not noticing anything- I heard the shattering of glass, echoing of screaming and yelling. The banging of ‘objects’. Then the crying. There was a loud thud. After a long pause and quit movement the door slammed shut. My breathing was heavy. I was scared. Mother…
That was a first for ME. I was so young. The next day you had a bandage on your head.
“I slipped on water and hit my head,” was what you told me, “Mommy is so clumsy.” Father said nothing. I was so young. It hurts knowing how ignorant a young child could be when everything is right in front of you. I smiled as always. Am I weak? I remember you once raised your cup and splashed it on me. Why...mother?
I didn’t see you much that day. I was confused. I was a child. That's what everyone said I was, and I knew… you work for the family, so does Momma from what she tells me. You try your best, and I want to be like you. I wanted too. When you dropped me off you would always smile and tell jokes. When you came home, and I was with mother, you would have a different look. I would never have understood. I look back now and see a blur, with details I want to forget. You had a bottle with you all the time, mother was always mad. It started when I was even younger… to where I saw Momma with her colleague at home… you came home that day, and didn't come back after for a week. That man came again, even when I was at school… where I saw you laughing together.. very close. Father came back when I was at school, I'd don't know what happened but he looked ten years older. He looked like me then Eeyore, a sad donkey we learnt at school. Mothers eyes were red, and fathers were blue. That was the beginning.
Mother, since then you've told me to hate father without the real reason, you told me he caused you pain physically and mentally so I had followed you blindly. Worshipping you. You never told me the truth, of why. It was him. You had and were with that man. You had lied to me, until now, and I am left confused. I had been with you for so long…
Father, I witnessed the mean things you did the mother, but recently you stopped. You've become a good man with no more bottle, and mother with no more clumsy accidents. You have been my father, but I was told to hate you. Told to think you if a stranger. Mother says I cannot give you forgiveness and should hate you. To never follow or listen or be with you. You were only sad. That was it. It was not your fault but…
Now mother, tell me as I am not that ignorant child no more who do I hate, the mother who lied all my life for being the victim, of actually having an affair, stealing fathers and his money to buy your own mansion to live by yourself and blaming on the father for being a psycho and drunkard. Who?
Now father, tell me as I understand more who do I forgive, my mother who had fed lied to me all these years, for me hating you and putting everything on you...or forgive you who had hit my mother once, only filled sorrow and dejection, but still tried your best.
Who do I hate? Who do I forgive? Do I hate mother or father. Do I forgive mother or father.
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