Her eye fixed on the ceiling. She could hear the distant sound of the vehicles plying. Dawn has yet not stepped out and her phone screen played quarter past three at night. Afraid to wake him up, she quietly steps out of the room. Pulls out the blanket over her and gets settled on the couch.
She has gone through this before, this wasn’t new to her. But today it felt different. She felt guilty. Unable to pin point the exact reason of her restlessness, she fires up her screen and starts typing.
- He is here. I’m here. But why still i can’t sleep through the night without waking up in the middle of it. He feels like love and smiles, and still my eye tears up out of no where from time to time. What is it? Is it something wrong with me? Why can’t I hold happiness in my hand for long? Why is it that it keeps teasing me? Why? I love him, he makes me forget the hurt. And I don’t want him to think that I’m not happy, because I really am. Knowing that I make his heart go flutter is my happiness alone. But most of the time I just feel sad or feel nothing at all. I feel so guilty, guilty that despite how good he is with me ; I don’t feel happy for long. It doesn’t stay for long. I miss mommy. I can’t seem to remember how she looked. I need to listen her recorded voice clip again. That is the only thing I have closest to her. -
The light through the draperies hurt her eye, she shifts her weight to the other side and finds him sitting with his coffee and his eyes fixed on her. She half smiles and midway into closing her eye again, she mumbles ‘You are up! Morning’. She feels the touch of his fingers on her cheeks ‘Wake up sleepy head, you will get late’. His voice. That voice. A wide smile forms on her face and she sits up with her covers collected at far end of their lounger.
Rubbing her eye, she searches for her glasses. Handing them to her, he takes a seat beside her. Adjusting her lenses on her nose, she turns towards him, throws her arm around him and says ‘Now I can see you better’. Planting a kiss on her hand wrapped around his neck, he adds smiling ‘Now get dressed. You are going to be very late’. The clock ticks and she jumps and rushes to get ready.
Her words from her screen stares back at him. He doesn’t want her to think that he invaded her privacy but he couldn’t help himself from reading those open pages of her journal which was sitting right across him on her desktop. When he didn’t find her in bed this morning, he knew she was restless again and he wonders why didn’t she wake him up. He wants to be there for her. Looking at their picture together on the coffee table, he smiles to himself thinking he really did get lucky to have her heart hold him inside. She is so fiercely brave but he wishes, she would let him in more. He takes a deep breath, he will have to tell her. Oh how it worries him to know that she is trying to bottle her emotions for him. Obviously he wants her to be happy, insanely happy. As happy as one can get. But he wants her to know that he is going to be there when her pain hits her. He needs to tell her that even if she feels happiness is playing hide and seek with her, he is going to be right there beside her to seek it, each time it hides.
Watching him still seated at the same spot brooding, she gets perplexed. Oh no no! Please no! He didn’t read it. He must have or why else he would still be sitting with that look on his face. How stupid she could have been to left it open. She doesn’t want him to worry about her and her worst fear, she doesn’t want him to pity her. She loves him so very much. How is she going to explain him?
Catching her shadow on her screen infront, he turns towards her and holds out his hand. Entangling her fingers with his, she says ‘I’m sorry that you had to read that, I want you to know....’. He stops her halfway in her sentence ‘Sweet heart, you should have woke me up, I could have make it better’. Putting her head on his shoulders, she replies with a moist eye ‘Better, how?’ He gazes into her eye, smiles into them, and planting a kiss on the corner of her welled up eye, he says ‘like this’ and pulls her more into him.
Author Notes: Does love really melts away our pain ? I hope it does.