Testing. Testing. Okay. It's good. You ready?
Yes, I'm ready.
One. Two. And… And we’re live.
People of Earth, as of 1300 Hours today, the Global Liberation Alliance has seized control of one of the...
Cut. Do it again. This one's no good.
People of Earth! We have seized the Global Liberation Alliance- What the hell, Jeff!
Three. Two. One...
People of Earth. As of 1300 Hours Eastern Standard Time,
Continue! It’s good. Go.
The Global Liberation Alliance, in cooperation with brave resistance fighters from all over the world, have seized control of one of the Xik-Xik's Central Gates in occupied territory in Los Angeles.
Behind me is a timer. When it reaches zero, this gate and everything nearby will be destroyed.
The exo-fascist collaborator, the so-called President of the United States…
The air quotes. Don’t forget the air quotes.
The exo-fascist collaborator, the so-called President of the United States will not stop us. We have already armed several IED's and by the time, the collaborators reach us, this Central Gate will be gone, and we with it.
This audio recording, along with our 270,820 page manifesto, can be found at a secured safe in our LA compound.
Don't bother trying to find any of our members there. Our entire cell is here, and we are fully prepared to give our lives to awaken humanity from its exo-fascist delirium.
This audio recording will serve as a preamble to our manifesto, both of which will serve as our testament for future generations about the human struggle to preserve our way of life against extra-terrestrial exo-fascism. It is our dying wish that the human race remembers the ideals of our species: equality, universality, and democracy, not the exofascism of the Xik-Xik.
As one we cry out: We remember! We were there!
I was there. We were there when first contact was made. We were still students but even then, we were prepared to fight for the old laws, for cross-cultural equity and proactive intersectional social consciousness. Even then, we knew the need to fight against the evil of fascism lurking within human hearts.
We simply never thought that it could also come down from the stars.
We who are about to become martyrs - We all remember the fateful day when the Xik-Xik Enclave made first contact with our species. Each man, woman, hybrid sexual identity and person of non-binary sexual orientation who now stands before you remembers the day when the extra-terrestrial fascists descended from the stars to corrupt our imperfect but hopeful humanity.
When the exo-fascists first came to our planet, I and many others like me celebrated the coming of the Xik-Xik in the spirit of openness. We made songs and poems on behalf of our new guests. We wrote articles about the need to overcome a human-centric, post-global galactic mindset, and to expand human rights to include all sapients regardless of their origins or differences.
To finally end, the ‘human-centric’ social construct.
I and a few like-minded friends even made plans to reach out to our new brethren and to help them understand that humanity had much to offer.
And we were not disappointed… At least not at first.
The Xik-Xik proved to be the advanced aliens we believed them to be and more. They had FTL, gravity manipulation, and a mastery over genetic science that far exceeded our own. As a gesture of goodwill, they even offered to cure previously incurable diseases and reverse global warming, to which humanity remains grateful. They accomplished these tasks, and more, in less than six months since their arrival.
We remember! We were there.
All they asked in return was to start trade negotiations; no more, no less. They said that all they ever wanted was our Potash, or as some xenophobes among us would like to call it, Xik-Xik cocaine.
In return for our Potash, the Xik-Xik offered resources from their own colonies, and in some cases, valuable technology. With their help, human science advanced by leaps and bounds.
But at what price?!
We remember! We were there.
Looking back now, it was clear that all that talk about trade was just a flimsy pretext to infiltrate our societies and corrupt our leaders with their own brand of cultural colonialist exo-fascism.
Make no mistake, we don’t hate the Xik-Xik because they are aliens. That sort of hatred is motivated by all the wrong reasons. It is motivated by base human tribalism; that evil instinct which is the source of racism and hatred!
No, our humane hatred is aimed at their exo-fascism, and their creeping desire to impose and reawaken that bigoted hate in our own species. Our organization is motivated by a just and humane conviction in the eternal human values, and the universality of sapient rights.
Oh, there are plenty of people out there who claim that the Xik-Xik claim that they don't want to conquer Earth, because, like pompous colonialists, they consider us too ‘primitive’ to conquer. But only an idiot or a right-wing reactionary will believe that. It may not have been obvious during First Contact, but now, it's undeniable. The Xik-Xik are turning our societies fascist, so that they might easily absorb us into their false and evil empire.
Make no mistake, humanity. We are being corrupted by exo-fascism.
Everyone knows that Fascists always want to conquer things they don't have, and despite their protests to the contrary, the Xik-Xik are definitely no different from the fascists and the Nazis of our distant past.
Let us remember a few key facts: First of all, they are unapologetic eugenicists. They say so openly. Their fungal species routinely purge “redundant” or “unstable” genetic strains from their reproductive banks and selectively breed variants that prioritize the "superior" and "healthier" "breeds." Fascistic hubris!
Secondly, there is slavery. The Xik-Xik have engineered their own subspecies of race slaves, called the Xut-Xut. These sad creatures are bred to toil in asteroid mines, to work in hazardous factories and engage in those jobs that fascistic Xik-Xik do not want to do on their own.
But the worst part of all is that the Xut-Xut are bred to have low intelligence. In this way, they cannot rebel against their oppressors or engage in any revolutionary acts, like we humans do, and the Xik-Xik's own conditioning programs ensure that the Xut-Xut enjoy their miserable conditions.
Know this. If they are prepared to do this to their own species then it’s only a matter of time before they will impose it upon us. And even if they don’t, we can be sure that human fascists will follow their example until such a time that we are no different from the malevolent Xik-Xik Enclave.
Finally, the Xik-Xik are Xenophobes. We know this because they maintain a closed immigration policy. Humans are forbidden to enter Xik-Xik territory, just as Xik-Xiks are forbidden from visiting Earth. They look upon us as suppliers of Potash, nothing more, as natives to be tricked, exploited and indoctrinated; to be given some paltry pieces of technology when necessary, but otherwise used and abused for their own pleasures.
They have made this clear to our people during First Contact.
And never forget that they also look down on us, considering us "primitives" because we don't have their technology. Do you remember who else looked down on indigenous peoples in the past? Do you remember who used words like "primitive" or "backward" to justify exploitation and violence-based colonial capitalism?
We all know. Colonialists. Imperialists.
And do you remember who else did things like that? The Nazis, and humanity crushed them decades ago. Their evil and malignant ideologies were consigned to the dustbins of history, just as they were meant to be.
Humanity rejected eugenics for decades, but suddenly an advanced-
Air Quotes. Air Quotes.
-but suddenly an "advanced" alien species appears and we now have to copy them for no other reason than because their ways are more “advanced” than ours.
Before the Xik-Xik came to corrupt our people; before the Xik-Xik came, all countries welcomed refugees. From Asia to the Middle East to Africa to Europe and the Americas, everyone believed in Feminism, Equality, Multiculturalism, Diversity and a unified human race based on mutual respect, tolerance and understanding.
Ours was not a perfect world, of course, but we were making the world a better place.
There were still racist and fascistic remnants from forgotten ages, and there were corrupt governments, who used power to oppress their people, but overall, humanity – the progressive and open-minded masses of humanity – was marching towards the end of history and the end of oppression, tyranny and corruption.
But then the Xik-Xik came, and with them an alien seed that nourished the poisonous monstrosity that is fascism.
The Xik-Xik described their putrid ideology as "a little like gardening." Yes, gardening, except they do it to their own species, and they want us to follow them. Oh, but some would say, "the Xik-Xik are not compelling anyone to follow their ideology. Humans are merely copying the Xik-Xik's "superior" technology and social systems.
We of the Global Liberation Alliance call such statements collaboration.
In our own history, what the Xik-Xik are doing now would be called cultural colonialism, and we remember it well. The Western colonial powers carried out the same strategies on their colonial and semi-colonial holdings, squeezing out indigenous movements for progressive reform. And now the Xik-Xik are doing it to our own species. What the old Colonial-Fascist-Imperialists did to the innocent indigenes that they had brutalized and conquered, the Xik-Xik are doing to all of humanity.
These are not conspiracy theories. They are fact.
Before they came, the whole world had cast aside the putrid pseudo-science of eugenics and racial theory. And suddenly, as though by "coincidence," they've returned right around the same time the Xik-Xik began to export their own culture and technology to our planet?
Humanity! I implore you, we are being conquered! Forget about the nonsense that they only want to import our potash. They are exporting their fascism through their technology. Wherever Xik-Xik things go, their vile version of fascism becomes infectious as well.
We remember! We were there!
The soldiers and revolutionary martyrs of the Global Liberation Alliance remember when the governments of the world, governments who didn't represented the interests of their people because of their inherent fascism, betrayed the human race by adopting Xik-Xik exo-fascism.
The Chinese were the first traitors to humanity, abandoning their own progressive, multi-racial Maoist government, to adopt the Xik-Xik's eugenic ideology. Then the Indians followed; then the Japanese; the Koreans. And then all of Asia fell to the fascistic alien ideologies of the Xik-Xik.
And now Asia is fascistic.
The Russians followed the Asians about a year later, and after them, the vast majority of the Middle East. South America and Africa were not far behind.
Only the Western World still hold on to the truth of universality, equality and compassion, but the collaborators in our countries are gaining power and marginalizing the resistance fighters of the Global Liberation Alliance, and spreading lies about the Xik-Xik and their ideology.
We remember! We were there!
It all begins so innocently. The collaborators use Xik-Xik technology to modify a gene here and cure a disease there, and before we knew it, almost every developed and developing country had their own f -meep- g eugenics program modelled after the Xik-Xik eugenics system. We have seen this pattern play out across dozens of countries.
And for what? So that we could copy Xik-Xik technology? Nazi technology? I recently heard that the Africans are using a combination of fascist policies and Xik-Xik technology to "raise their population's IQ."
Now, the far right is gaining more power than ever, and Nazi nutjobs are calling for eugenics policies, so that we can "catch up with the rest of the world."
Well, if the rest of the world is turning fascist then we want no part of the world. We will spark the fire that will reignite liberty and equality in the human heart, and we will drive out the Xik-Xik and their putrid ideology off of our planet.
Though they may be technologically stronger than us, their societies are also stagnant and ignorant, since it is based on bigotry and hate. Bigotry and hatred always lead to stagnation and ignorance, whereas liberty and equality always leads to progress. As humans, that is our greatest weapon, our freedoms and the equality that we extend to all life, and it is from these values, that we will become more technologically advanced than the Xik-Xik.
And once they are gone, once we have restored our values to their proper place; we shall restore our world back to its natural state of freedom, equality and liberty, and then we will take the war to the Xik-Xik.
We will free the Xut-Xut from their corrupt, fascist leaders! We will free the galaxy of the taint of fascism and oppression regardless of what form it takes, regardless of which species adopts it.
I'm getting to the end. Dammit!
A do-over? Are you f -meep- ing kidding me? -meep- -meep-
Jeff, we’re trying to blow up a giant fascist alien gate. The least you could do is remember to hit the record button...
Author Notes: Xik Xik Cocaine Version 2