Dear You Know Who You Are,
I think I'm finally starting to get past it. Today was a confirmation of what I already knew, and ultimately what I hoped wasn't true. And it's okay, you don't have to care about me, you never had to. But I hope the next time you see a girl wearing the same makeup I'd done the day you contacted me, or hear someone tell a joke similar to the one we shared, or see a girl who looks like me, see the same car as mine, or think about the mall we went to. I hope you think about me, and I hope you think about the way that you hurt me, and the way that you failed. You didn't fail in the sense that you didn't care in the same way, I already said that was fine.
You failed in the way that you consistently tried to make me care about you, always said good morning and good night, made sure to tell me when I was looking nice, and then just disappeared when you knew I cared. That's where you failed. In leaving me with no explanation when you knew I cared about you. And instead of telling me to stop waiting, instead of telling me what I should have done or how you were feeling in that situation you didn't say anything at all. And there I was left wondering what I was even supposed to do next. How was I supposed to know? You abandoned me without a trace.
To make it even better, the two weeks you've been gone have been some of the hardest days of my life. Not because you're gone, that did make things harder, but because so much has gone on and I've lost so many people so quickly. You left me at the worst moment and I think that's what makes this so difficult. I just really wish you could have stuck it out another week or two, because I really needed you in that moment. I still need someone. But you won't come back, not soon at least. But you may in a couple of months from now, when you're sitting in your room in the dark and think of me. Just like you have in the past.
I don't get it, why leave someone if you know you're going to miss them? Because you do it everytime and it really hurts. I think what makes it different is that this time, I don't think I'll answer when you decide to reach out again, because I know I deserve better.
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