96lw15

I am a freshman in high school. I liked it. It didn't make me cry. I know it is supposed to be short, but maybe you could add more adjectives. For example, when the boy gets hit with the car, maybe you could have instead said Before she could even turn she knew what had happened. She turned and saw her brother, the only family she had left in the streets bleeding out. His red blood was bleeding through his too big black sweatshirt. She didn't know what to do. She ran to his side. The rest was just a blur. The next thing I remember was siting next to my brothers bed. Then just go on as you did. It was a great idea it just needed a bit more.

ahh that made me cry. its soo sad poor girl

that is so sad