United States • 21 y/o • MaleReviews Given
Yo, this is fantastic writing!
I've never experienced these types of events, but from what I hear there is always, as you have written, 'the Don'. Someone who knows it all and sits in their ivory tower of some sort.
The passage when Don articulated the wine saying, "full bodied...just about acceptable." I thought the same thing being, "what the hell does 'full body' mean?"
Some of those foods your mentioned, just the names of them sound astonishing to taste buds.
The flow was decent, variety of vocabulary, great aspect of comedy and truth- just a notable read.
Rocky Balboa I read.
Respect.
Usually I have a speech written out when I comment on your works. This time I don't.
Not that I don't have words for you, but I believe that music can be the messenger - it's certainly stronger and more unique when put up against my words.
Two songs came to mind when I read your work.
I hope you take a listen to and find what you are looking for and encapture it in yourself.
Queensryche - Someone Else?
Glenmore - Take On A Shining Star
Not too shabby. Not too shabby.
For structure it is pretty good. Have the description of glass and the variations of each shattered piece in a unique and humanistic way.
I sense that it could be more concise. To get the words to stick some lines could be shortened such as an example,
"Some are bright and warm and happy
Some are alive, some are dead"
It could be,
"Some bright, warm, happy
Some alive, dead"
I think that would age well making it shorter with no filler or extra words.
To your point imaging yourself as shattered glass, along with the last two lines, it's relatable to the masses. Feeling useless ourself, but useful for others. Maybe we serve our purpose to serve others and not ourselves. Maybe we desire the want of approval from others, but tear ourselves down. Maybe we see more faith in others for the unknown compared to one's self?
See and hear it all the time. Stories of those who have fallen in despair and wretchedness in society, but still lend grace and help to those in need. It doesn't even have to be drastic. Just donating a couple of bucks when we/you are in a financial bind or volunteering at a food pantry is a difference of help.
So why help others when one's self could be or is lost?
Makes you feel good? Think good karma is on the way? Gain attention and approval? Make the world a lively place? Respect for others? Been in a similar situation?
I'm not sure. It's not for me to say. But I'm sure the individual doing such has a clearer answer.
As a former high-school student myself, this is relatable. This is literally how most students think and act.
The flow is pretty gnarly. Even with the skips in ideas it works well because it comes together in a big "resolution", if you will, of everything.
Not too shabby, not too shabby.
I've noticed there's a lot of "and" in the writing which really got to me. Some words work well with repetition, but the word "and" just doesn't seem to fit in here.
I do like your note at the end. Respect. Respect. That is how I am sometimes so I understand what you say.
Alright, alright, I got into it. I like the concept.
For the intro, the repetition is nice, but it's too much repetition in my opinion. Perhaps if it had a break in it like,
"The ghost in my room talks to me
The ghost no one believes
The ghost in my room that helped me clean
The ghost that went away..."
Feel me on that?
Also I see a lot of filler words that elongates the progression of this work.
Killer ending though. Just reading the last line by itself is great.
I can't help but see emotions get in the way of reality or at least a logical balanced perception of reality.
Ukraine/Russian war we knew was gonna start. Just the matter of when it blew up. It started just after the "ending" of the Cold War. Putin made it clear to NATO that he doesn't want Ukraine to be part of NATO. Of course, NATO put it's nose where it doesn't belong by asking Ukraine if they want to join NATO and placed troops at the Russia-Ukraine border just like Russia did. And it doesn't help ease the situation when Western countries show weak leadership and lack of knowledge by instigating flames of war while funding Russia from oil shipments and sending military aid to Ukraine (basically adding more fuel to the fire) along with U.S political leaders doing some shady deals (some considered treasonous) with Ukraine.
Basically, if America along with NATO just stayed away from Ukraine, more than likely, this situation wouldn't have happened.
For the bills being passed in the U.S states on transgender issues. First, it's the states' rights to invoke laws that don't violate federal laws.
Next, the Florida bill isn't anti-gay/LGBT. It's a bill that simply doesn't want public schools (from pre-K through 3rd grade) to engage in LGBT ideology that would more than likely be an indoctrination method instead of fact-based education. It's not getting rid of the community or banishing it as a whole. The bill is getting rid of the biased nonfactual information that honestly shouldn't be taught at such a young age.
Also, the Texas bill is actually for the interest of children. Most who do the sex change is after they hit puberty, which in result has them already being a stature difference in size, muscle mass and overall competitiveness due to how the brain functions differently between males and females. It's hard to change your height, muscle mass and overall way of thinking unless it is done in great measures which then becomes a biological/health danger to the individual because it's gonna change how they grow or develop naturally as it wasn't meant to be such.
Finally, there is really no change in suicide risk whether a therapy/operation is done or not, let alone mental health conditions coming-up.
Here are two sources in relation to the Texas bill situation:
https://www.heritage.org/gender/commentary/sex-reassignment-doesnt-work-here-the-evidence
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4771004/
Saying police target people for the color of their skin is a vague broad statement. Although it does happen, it is at an extremely low-ratio when comparing those who do to the whole police force, and those who have been caught and reported for such have been put to justice. Also, there has to be intent put forth in such because over three-quarters of these "race deaths" actually deals with someone who is considered dangerous AND have/has done a dangerous act(s) whether against other civilians or law enforcement.
Police causing disturbances in "peaceful protests" is an outlandish idea let alone one-sided. Are there moments where law enforcement may go too far? Yeah. But are there moments where a "peaceful" protest turns violent because of protesters? Definitely. It happens to be that the latter happens more often than not.
Interestingly enough to counter your argument that black people live in fear of police, most high-density black communities actually want there to be more police presence because they feel unsafe since police stations/officers are not as prevalent.
To say that it must be stop, we all know. We want it to stop, but nothing is perfect. No matter what reforms or laws get pushed through it's not gonna be perfect.
In all, the vast majority of people do see other people as just people- same as their-self. It's a shame that there are bad people, but it's nature and it is hard to change.