Andy (Formerly Apemann)

I loved the concept behind this clever story, Rebs. I think the execution is a little 'clunky' in places as the flow of the story 'hiccups'. In saying that, though, I was hooked into the story right to the end, so that's to your credit.

A judicious edit and a little polishing would make this good story into a fabulous one :-)

I'm not sure why you chose to present your work in such a form as it was unnecessary (and a little confusing, to be honest)

Overall the poem is good, if a little overlong and slightly repetitive in places. A like your imagination and your use of words. You clearly take a great deal of care over your work and choose your words carefully. There are some who could learn a thing or two from you :-)

Well done and keep writing. It's a pleasure to read your work.

Sweet and touching. Lovely!

Simple, bittersweet and touching. Well done :-)

The most important part of surviving bullying is to remember that you MATTER. You are IMPORTANT, you have VALUE and there are people who LOVE you. The person who must love you most is YOU.

NEVER let the bullies make you feel anything less than the wonderful, unique, special and individually terrific person you are. It is THEY who have the problems, not you. They hurt you because they are too shallow and ignorant to recognise their flaws. Your poem demonstrates that you have a greater level of maturity and self-awareness and understanding than your tormentors. Take that knowledge with you each and every time they try to upset you for you are a far, far better person than any of them are!

There are some really good parts to this story: atmosphere-building and scene-setting for sure. Where is really falls flat for me is the actual 'horror' scenes. They are told in such a flat and bland tone that they fail to resonate emotionally or viscerally.

Horror is one of the most difficult genres to write successfully and/or effectively. Much really good horror writing is not really very graphic: it's mostly about suggestion, subtle hints and manipulating the readers' imagination. Steven King is the master at it, and he is rarely as graphic in his writing as you have been in your story.

It IS a good story, definitely. My review is just an opinion. Others will disagree and rave about it. :-)

Ah, just the thing to put a smile on anybody's face. Terrific.

Please be careful with your spelling...

A really nicely written piece... but to what end? I am at a loss to grasp what was the point of what I have just read other than as a sort-of travelogue to the place you describe (in nice detail, too)

To my thinking, this is not a story, per se; more of a memento of a particular event and as such does not really hit the mark I would have expected. In saying that, though, you write wonderfully descriptive prose. I would hope to see that talent turned towards more 'conventional' (if I may put it that way) fiction pieces?