United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
This poem was written by one Cheryl L. Costello-Forshey in 1998. The following link will take you to more info about her:
http://cherylcostelloforshey.com/about_the_author/index.html
An entertaining read spoiled by the frequent and unnecessary use of bold font (the same effect can be gained from using italics). Overall, though, good fun, reminiscent of the detective novels of the 1930s.
The problem I feel with your story is that it all feels a little rushed: as if you have tried to get all of your ideas on paper before you forget them. This leaves some of your scenes a little 'light' in content, leaving the reader having to fill in a lot of the gaps. A little more time taken to flesh-out parts of your story will improve it immeasurably.
On the whole, though, there is the basis here of a good series of stories. I would like to see you trust your story-telling talent more than you do at present to tell a really great story :-)
As I am a devotee of the last line's life philosophy I should live to a ripe old age!
Good fun!
The 'cuteness' factor of your story is what saves this from being just another mundane story about getting old. It is well told with a touch of humour and maybe a little pathos, too?
One or two punctuation and spelling errors mar your piece, especially the use of 'ipad'. Please ensure you check your work thoroughly before submission. Other than that minor criticism a very creditable effort :-)
Good atmosphere, enough suspense and tension to keep the reader hooked into the story. All-in-all a creditable beginning to your story :-)
Your story has many imperfections, which I attribute to English not being your first language. On the whole it is a fair attempt at an interesting subject, in spite of the sometimes 'preachy' tone you have used. Please bear in mind that people read to be entertained, not moralised to...
Thank you for your story. There is the basis here for a good story, but your rushed approach to your writing and the lack of attention to basic detail (punctuation, spelling, grammar) spoil your work. More care and attention will help you write a better story and also present it in a more acceptable and pleasing manner. The use of capitals is horrible.