United Kingdom • 64 y/o • MaleReviews Given
A really nicely written piece... but to what end? I am at a loss to grasp what was the point of what I have just read other than as a sort-of travelogue to the place you describe (in nice detail, too)
To my thinking, this is not a story, per se; more of a memento of a particular event and as such does not really hit the mark I would have expected. In saying that, though, you write wonderfully descriptive prose. I would hope to see that talent turned towards more 'conventional' (if I may put it that way) fiction pieces?
Ah, just the thing to put a smile on anybody's face. Terrific.
Please be careful with your spelling...
As previously mentioned, the use of expletives can be a powerful tool - in the right circumstances. For me, the use in this poem makes you sound petulant stroppy. Your words would have had more impact without the expletives, showing a level of control and maturity that it sounds like you were aiming for...
Take care with the words you use and when and how you use them. You have a good enough vocabulary that should preclude the necessity for you to revert to crudity to get your point across. You are a good writer; believe in yourself and your language skills :-)
Terrific!
Many will relate to your words, especially the more world-weary amongst us I suspect...
Great stuff. I look forward to more from you in due course.
Yes, a classic case of being careful what you wish for...
A well told tale with a couple of bumpy grammatical errors along the way '(ingenuous' is used in the wrong context: ingenious might have been more accurate; 'inhabitance' in this context is wrong: habitation would have been more appropriate)
Another enjoyable offering overall. Well done :-)
There are some really good parts to this story: atmosphere-building and scene-setting for sure. Where is really falls flat for me is the actual 'horror' scenes. They are told in such a flat and bland tone that they fail to resonate emotionally or viscerally.
Horror is one of the most difficult genres to write successfully and/or effectively. Much really good horror writing is not really very graphic: it's mostly about suggestion, subtle hints and manipulating the readers' imagination. Steven King is the master at it, and he is rarely as graphic in his writing as you have been in your story.
It IS a good story, definitely. My review is just an opinion. Others will disagree and rave about it. :-)
The most important part of surviving bullying is to remember that you MATTER. You are IMPORTANT, you have VALUE and there are people who LOVE you. The person who must love you most is YOU.
NEVER let the bullies make you feel anything less than the wonderful, unique, special and individually terrific person you are. It is THEY who have the problems, not you. They hurt you because they are too shallow and ignorant to recognise their flaws. Your poem demonstrates that you have a greater level of maturity and self-awareness and understanding than your tormentors. Take that knowledge with you each and every time they try to upset you for you are a far, far better person than any of them are!
I find your work far too graphic and somewhat self-indulgent in its depictions of violence and bloodshed. It's actually rather annoying as you are a better story-teller than the stuff you submit. By that I mean that you tell good stories but (for me) overdo things by going for overkill rather than subtlety in your narrative and descriptions. You have the skills and talent to achieve much the same effect without the OTT descriptive passages. Honestly, they do not do you justice...
I would like to see you submit something that is less bloody and more interesting - and entertaining - to read. Blood, gore and the like have a limited shelf-life.