Canada • 28 y/oReviews Received
The story was rather good up until the end. What was said about his teacher at the end was very confusing to me. I wasn't all that sure where that fit into the story. I didn't really notice the plot until the girl was getting attacked. Also, your grammar was all over the place. Little tip: when a new person speaks, that is the start of a new paragraph. Capitalize your I in every sentence. Just work on these key elements and I believe you could make a wonderful story. Good luck.
I can see where you're coming from with this story, but there were many flaws. Most notably your grammar and sentence structure. You had way too many run-on sentences and it made it rather difficult to keep track. Other than that, it wasn't bad. Could be better. Good luck with all your writing in the future.