Canada • 28 y/oReviews Received
I can see where you're coming from with this story, but there were many flaws. Most notably your grammar and sentence structure. You had way too many run-on sentences and it made it rather difficult to keep track. Other than that, it wasn't bad. Could be better. Good luck with all your writing in the future.
The story was rather good up until the end. What was said about his teacher at the end was very confusing to me. I wasn't all that sure where that fit into the story. I didn't really notice the plot until the girl was getting attacked. Also, your grammar was all over the place. Little tip: when a new person speaks, that is the start of a new paragraph. Capitalize your I in every sentence. Just work on these key elements and I believe you could make a wonderful story. Good luck.