GONE

you have a great way with words

this is good, i find it slightly empty, lacking emotion. there's emotion in there but as a reader i can't connect to it. it's written well and with a bit more work, it will be great.
don't mean to offend you, so please don't think that. this is just my opinion.

wow. just wow.

good. the emotion is a little more here this time! like it. keep it up :)