United Kingdom • 69 y/oReviews Received
I find your work far too graphic and somewhat self-indulgent in its depictions of violence and bloodshed. It's actually rather annoying as you are a better story-teller than the stuff you submit. By that I mean that you tell good stories but (for me) overdo things by going for overkill rather than subtlety in your narrative and descriptions. You have the skills and talent to achieve much the same effect without the OTT descriptive passages. Honestly, they do not do you justice...
I would like to see you submit something that is less bloody and more interesting - and entertaining - to read. Blood, gore and the like have a limited shelf-life.
I like the concept of this story, and the language is interesting and readable. What's missing is characterization. I don't see any protaganist, so it's kind of hard to get emotionally involved and take the concept seriously. I feel like it's a good start on an idea but it needs "fleshing out" (pun intended) to work as a story.
Thanks for sharing it!
There are some really good parts to this story: atmosphere-building and scene-setting for sure. Where is really falls flat for me is the actual 'horror' scenes. They are told in such a flat and bland tone that they fail to resonate emotionally or viscerally.
Horror is one of the most difficult genres to write successfully and/or effectively. Much really good horror writing is not really very graphic: it's mostly about suggestion, subtle hints and manipulating the readers' imagination. Steven King is the master at it, and he is rarely as graphic in his writing as you have been in your story.
It IS a good story, definitely. My review is just an opinion. Others will disagree and rave about it. :-)
greastest story ever! Love the plot twist at the end!!!
What began as an interesting idea did not really fulfil its potential. Your style of writing in places is very stilted and awkward; old-fashioned, even. At times it reads almost as jokey; facetious even, which robs your words of the impact they were meant to convey. The overall feeling I get from your story is a level of uncertainty as to which direction you meant it to take: a serious dramatic story or one that is a little light-hearted. This story is a little of both at times.
All that being said, there is a good story-teller in you. I hope to read more from you.
One note of caution: it is NOT good practice to use numerals in prose. One should always write numbers in full.
this is such a good story love the details and the storyline