United States • 44 y/oReviews Received
I really enjoyed the beginning where you describe this world, it's creative and intriguing. I also liked how you described the wonderful sides of these humans- their amazing power and harmonious peace- as well as the dark sides- them wanting to take over. It kind of shows the light and dark that's in everyone, and I enjoyed it.
Before continuing with your story you really need to iron-out the errors in this part first.
It is peppered with grammar and punctuation mistakes, which is inexcusable. Your computer has a spell-check and thesaurus facility. If you used them your story would not be presented so poorly.
I have to ask myself 'if this person isn't bothered about presenting the best story he/she can, why should I bother to read it?' That is a thought worth bearing in mind...