Reviews Received
The story in itself was good. There were parts when commas were missing and some where a period was needed but overall the grammar was good. Word choice was a tad over done, while a large word here and there is good and adds to the story many of them can often times make the sentence a little choppy. Overall a job well done
I would like to say:
I am a very big fan of your work. It was decently long, decent in general, and the concept of it was highly enjoyable. I also like the idea of putting a quote from Lovecraft at the start, that was quite amusing.
why don't you make the start more... enticing
Very correct English for a Spanish.
I think you mean in the first line 'yet to be resolved ' or 'unresolved '.overall the story was very good.
Could you give us more information on your narrator's background? This is one way
The style of the building reminded me of my chilhood home, though our house was smaller and in town. It stirred memories of my melancholy childhood.
If you want him to have a happier childhood he could think how different the hall is from where he grew up. Either way we would learn a little more about him and it would help us to care about him.
You keep saying the same thing several times, not least how hortrible the monster is. You can say it only a few times and we get the message. When severed heads arrive in a box we can see this thing is violent. You tell us our hero was born to a peasant, then he wasn't nobly born. Its clear he's not if his parents were peasants.
The plot will appeal to lovers of fantasy, just try to avoid over writing