HardToPlease

Okay... This was just confusing all together. The starting character says "How was your weekend?" and in reply the second character says "Not very much"???? Like you can either say "good", "bad", or something in between- Y_Y. And like I think it's cool when people start off a story with dialogue but it kinda ruins it when the text makes no sense.

Hate to make a whole speech about this but... there's more. When I read the part "clicks and tapings" I thought it was some sort of phrase. So I went to my good ol' friend google and asked 'em what it meant. Nothing. And I thought that google was supposed to know everything. But, y'know, maybe you could explain that to me. So I continued reading the sentence and it left me... speechless. I just could NOT follow. (In the best worst way possible <3) I guess the rest of the paragraph was a bit good. Like it was interesting to know that it had a nice view of the outdoors.

And then the grammar in "I will check on with you" with Mr. Conner. Not gonna touch onto that cuz I think I know what you mean already. BUT. IN THE NEXT PARAGRAPH- *cough cough*- Anyways... "The girl sighs either to call the boy or to express her swirling boredom." Like, how is a sigh supposed to get the boy's attention (if that's what you meant by call the boy..). And- eh- I don't think swirling is the right word for that.

Then the siren alarm thingy went off yada yada- Which was pretty intense. So nice job ^^ (Besides a few words that weren't necessary and phrases that could've been worded differently.)

And then sussy little Mr. Conner came out of his wee rabbit hole -_- Honestly we need a part 2; what's under the hat??

BUT ANYWAYS- BACK TO THE REAL REASON THAT I AM REVIEWING THIS--

TOMATOES *CLAP* ARE *CLAP* FRUITS *CLAP CLAP CLAP*
how DARE you >:0

And to think lavorish, a person who always gives 4 stars to stories for making little mistakes, gives you 5 stars?? This is not fair lavorish!! I SWEAR- I'M GONNA GET OUT MY CHANCLA AND WHEN I FIND YOU-

*cough cough* Uhm. Nice story <3

This story was a perfect example of a short story, I feel like the countdown went along with it perfectly. But it started at 30 minutes and before I knew it we were down to two. I guess it could've been because they were getting ready pretty slowly but they also said that they didn't care much about how they looked. So they could have just slapped some clothes on and waltzed on out the door and yet they tried to calm down their hair. Doesn't quite add up but hair. Is. Valid. So I'd understand why they'd just want to calm it down if they didn't care too much about their appearance but they could've done it while walking out the door. AND WHY WOULDN'T THEY CARE ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD LOOK IN FRONT OF YOUR SOULMATE??? Like big deal, first impressions are important.
There are also a few spelling errors and I know I don't have to point them out... but I will.
- Meetiong
- Nervouslylooked (Not really a spelling error but yeah.)
- Though (Technically it's not spelled wrong but I'm pretty sure that it was supposed to be "thought" in the sentence it was used in.)
Another thing that managed to tickle my noggin was what the countdown on their wrists was for. I feel like it could have used more detail. Like, did they have it since birth? Does everyone have one? And just, what is it? I think with a bit of explanation it would be moi perfecto but it is still really intriguing without it.
Lastly, I would like to discuss why Mr. Whatshisname literally SPRINTED to this person. (He's a runner he's a track star. He gon' run away when it gets hard. He can't take the pain, he can't get scarred-) No crosswalk, no stop sign. Nothing to stop those vehicles from crushing those bones of his. Well... I guess the moral of this story is "Always look both ways before crossing the street." A lesson my mother taught me from whence I was a lad.
Overall, I loved the "Don't forget me." at the end, struck me hard.

Okay... this was something else. I don't think it made much sense; at first, you begin praising this "Omega Lizard"... but in the end, you seem to be crushing the lizard with your bare hands with hatred so pure I thought only my 52-year-old gym teacher could possess it. I just wish that there was more information on why you so suddenly turned on this lord and why you were even praising a lizard in the first place...
It also might've been a bit much that you put "Religious" as your genre. You never know what people might find offensive these days.
But of course, you can believe in whatever you want to. I'm n̶o̶t̶ one to judge.

Eh... I feel like the prices just didn't match up too well. I mean like, $24.45 for a house? $1.00 for a TENT? I just don't feel like it's realistic.
And there wasn't much of a lesson to be learned from this. It was heartwarming that the family got back together again but you didn't give much information about where the dad went so I couldn't really feel like... I don't know... happy that they were reunited? I felt more confused.
And what did they trade the lady?? They didn't really have anything to trade! Maybe that's the lesson of the story: "Don't believe everyone you meet on the street."
(It rhymes too!)
Sorry for making an actual paragraph about this. I think that it was a great story showing that there's always hope. Even if it seems like you'll never truly have a home... Your dad that abandoned you for 5 years can always return.
Great job!!!