United Kingdom • 60 y/oReviews Given
As a walker and nature lover I can relate to your narrator. This is a detailed, evocative piece. It can hold its own with many works in traditional media.
If you're saying we sometimes put too much pressure on people until even the best can't measure up, I think you are right and its getting worse.
I hpoe readers take courage from reading this. If ever you considered taking yout life I hope that's behind you now.
Overall this is an evocative piece and you're right about nature having two sides. Regarding the beetles I'd have written 'not imprezsed' rather than 'not intimidated.' If they're fleeing thete's no question of them trying to intimidatd. Othetwise its a fine piece of writing.
I think you're right, that's how they would be treated. It shouldn't be like that but it is.
I like your descriptions and your treatment of a difficult subject. Not everyone will agree with the parent's beliefs but many would relate to their situation.
I suspected that girl in a coma and girl on the balcony were the same before the big reveal but your writing shows promise.
This is a good summing up of true fridndship.
Ahmed could ask who took his blanket. He need not be annoyed but only curious. If someone else was cold in the night it would be natural to ask who that was, if not in anger then with concern.
If he confronts an obstical or two when fleeing the ghost it raises the tension. If his horse stumbles or slips that would add to the excitement. You could have them recover quickly and race on. If he panics and so gets lost while escaping, again there's more tension. His friends could come and find him.
Keep practising at your writing.