Reviews Given
The sun metephore is good. Sometimes I Iwake up feeling strong emotions from a dream yet can't recall the details of it
You write better than some men twice yoir age. You blend vivid descriptions and plausible relationships.
She tried to break the silence. But it did not.
If she's spoken she's broken the silence. Try "she tried to get through to me, but she couldn't " or "she tried to elicit a response from me, but couldn't."
The rest of it is excellent, atmpspheric, plausible with a touch of mystery.
Overall your descriptions are good. Just one thing, 'clutched' the guitar would be better than 'engulfed.' If you engulf something you cover it completely. One hand would'nt cover the whole guitar. Otherwise well done.
You say a lot with a few words. Its moving and convincing. I like the phrase 'when the leaves loose grip.'
You've expressed what a lot of young peope feel at your age. I don't have a nice easy answer but I'll say this. You're not alone, some people set standards for others that few if any of us measure up to, and kindness, intelligence and creativity matter as well as what you look like.
I like your descriptions of the characters and of the setting. If I'd written it I'd have tried to prepare for the twist without giving too much away.
I'd mention a small ball lying in a corner of the sitting room. Voss could think the old lady has a granchild who called and forgot to take the ball home. Then at the end she says "Arthur's not my husband, he's my cat. That's his ball in the corner." That prepares for the twist without making it too obvious.
The captain stealing Vosse's thunder rings true.
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Thanks for sharing this Willie. I know it makes no difference now but I hope your ancestor was reunited with his family